A distant song
by Leiya
Summary: Shuusei is guitarist in a rising Rock Band and sometimes gets to sing a song. He loves playing in front of audiences although off stage he has to deal with insecureties and sometimes anxiety. Then his life gets turned upside down because of significant changes in his work life. Thank god one day a ray of hope appears in his life.
1. Prologue

Wuhuu new work! This is my summer challenge. Have fun!

The boy was nervous. It was his first time playing in front of people. His small hands held on to his guitar when he entered the stage together with other kids with guitars and other instruments. He looked at one of them – his best friend who had started with playing the guitar together with him but he was sot so passionate about it. The two boys just wanted to do something together.

He smiled and nodded towards the other boy. It would be the same as always, he told himself. Just playing the songs he knew by heart. And he knew his parents and sister would be in the audience! So there was no reason to be afraid. The audience applauded politely when the kids took their seats. Only his one year older sister couldn't resist calling out his name: "Shuusei! You can do it!"

He took a deep, embarrassed breath. He loved his sister. And he knew it was her way to show her support, because she knew how hard it was for him to perform in front of people. She knew how insecure he was, but she didn't make this easier. He just tried to ignore it and looked on his music sheets and waited for the conductor to start.

But while he played, he had the feeling to sink into the music; a calm world where only the sounds of the instruments existed. It was different from the times when they had rehearsed the pieces. Was it the audience? He didn't know. He just existed to feel the music he and the other children created for all the parents watching. Nothing else mattered right now. All the anxious feelings which accompanied him almost constantly were gone. It was not perfect and he cringed inside whenever someone played a wrong tune but all in all it was something he would never forget.

The longer they played the deeper he sank into the mystical world full of beautiful sounds and the more he sensed them. They touched him deeply.

But way too soon it ended and he only realized it, when he felt his best friend jumping up and down next to him.

"Hotsuma... Calm down", he pleaded and sounded much too mature for his eight years. Absentmindedly he put his guitar on the stand next to him and tried to focus back on reality.

"But... Your play! You need to go on playing the guitar", Hotsuma sounded excided. Shuusei couldn't exactly remember what he played; he had been too deep in this strange world.

Nevertheless... "I don't plan to give up." Shuusei stood up like the rest of the kids to go to his family and receive their praises. Hotsuma stayed at his side as always. The two boys were almost inseparable.

Shuusei smiled at his friend. "And you know, I think I might try to earn my money with music one day in the future..." he mused. He really wanted to have this strange, calm feeling again!


	2. Chapter 01

And chapter 1. Don't worry, I will continue with the souds of the world as well. When I've finished this project! Then I will wirte two chapters in quite a short time. But now let's go on here!

Chapter 01

The cheers of the audience brought him back to reality just in time to notice how Touko, the lead singer stormed towards him and hugged him. The last rather soft notes from Sairi's keyboard were covered by all the noise and had pulled him out of his dream-like state he still sank into whenever he performed in front of people.

He smiled and gently patted the girl's back. The many girls in the audience squealed and screamed when they saw the smile of the young man. He separated himself from his fellow band member and took the microphone back to his hands. "Thank you. Thank you very much. As you may know this is my first time singing so I hope I didn't disappoint you. I'm not as talented as our dear Touko and I just wanted to try something new. I don't know if ballads like this are really my thing." Again the audience cheered and Shuusei was glad his performance seemed to please them. He had been so very insecure about this whole idea but now it didn't seem too bad to sing one song once in a while.

Then Touko took the micro and grinned. "I see you love his voice just as much as I do. That's good. Perhaps we will let him sing more often from now on. At least we think his voice really fits to ballads."

Shuusei pulled a face as a show. It was his main job to play the guitar after all as he had done all his life.

He and his fellow band mates had started as a school band and somehow managed to continue with their music. During the last few years they have become more and more popular and now their concerts slowly started to fill the large halls which made Shuusei proud. It had long been his dream to make money with his music because he couldn't see himself fitting into this society in an office job. And now at 22 years, he had everything he wanted. He loved the concerts and his dear friends: The Siblings Touko and Tsukumo, and Sairi and his kindergarten friend Ria who played the bass quite impressively despite her petite figure. Together they formed the Rock-band "The Shadow Warriors"

When Touko had finished her praising he stepped back to his usual place so that they could continue with the next song which would again be sung by Touko. He loved the music but he and Tsukumo were the more quiet parts of the band which somehow granted them special attention by many of their fans. He didn't quite get the reasons. The girls and Sairi were much more outgoing and open for chitchat with anyone interested in listening to them.

"Whuuu Shuusei, look!" Touko waved with a teen-magazine when the young man entered the room they had rented for practise and met quite often just to hang out. It was seldom that the room was completely empty. Only before the release of a new CD or before a new tour they practiced according to a plan set up by their manager; aside from those exhausting times they met up here quite often anyways to work on new stuff or just hang out. For Shuusei the band was more than just friends; these people were like his family and he was sure the others felt the same way.

Shuusei looked at the girl in confusion and took the magazine. The first picture he noticed was one of himself from last week's concert while he was singing his ballad. His eyes looked over the article and his impression was not wrong, not only his fans but also the press seemed to have loved his performance.

"Congratulations. You will be our new most popular member." Sairi grinned at him and Shuusei sighed.

"Please... you can keep the fame."

"It's your fault to show your fans how great your singing voice is", Sairi grinned sarcastically.

"Who urged me to perform on concerts? I was very content to just play my instrument", Shuusei argued, a small sile playing around his lips. He wouldn'd deny that he kind of liked it.

Ria grinned and jumped him from the corner where she had been changing one string of her bass. "But your voice fits the song better than Touko-chan's! Sorry, Shuu-kun! The melancholic songs are yours now!"

Shuusei sighed and resigned. "But we'll keep it at one song a concert, please."

The three looked at each other. "But the fans would love to hear more of you!" Ria squeezed his waist one more time before finally letting go of him.

"But too much melancholy is not our style, remember?" Shuusei asked teasingly. Both girls pouted but relented.

"Thank you."

"It's okay. I don't want to be replaced by you anyway!" Touko teased him and Shuusei looked at her sternly.

"You never will. I'm not that fond of singing. One song a night is more than enough."

"Really?" Tsukumo had just entered the room. "Your voice is good. I won't even try to sing anything," he grinned and put a box on the table in the middle of the room. Sairi could barely snatch the sheets which had been on the table away.

"What have I told you about cake and music sheets?" Sairi asked sternly.

"Never put any cake on any piece of paper with song text fragments or music fragments" Tsukumo repeated the same phrase the thousand's time in a bored voice. "I can stop bringing cake for all of us..." Pouting Tsukumo got plates and forks for everyone and revealed a whole strawberry cake.

"Who is supposed to eat all this?" Sairi asked sceptically.

"I think Tsukumo will finish everything we don't eat", Ria grinned.

"I really ask myself where all the calories go." Sairi pinched Tsukumo into the side who squeaked. "There is nothing on him"

"I have a terrible metabolism... If I ate less I'd die from starvation," Tsukumo protested. "Also playing the drums is exhausting!"

Shuusei grinned and cut the cake. He loved this chaotic group.


	3. Chapter 02

First of all: I'm sorry for the mistake in the previous chapter. I've already corrected it: Ria is not Sairi's girlfriend but his kindergarten friend. I'm sorry I forgot to correct it from the first draft...

But now let's go on with the story. Have fun with some more bonding inside the band

Chapter 02

"So, here are your new contracts." Their manager passed two copies of a contract to every member of the band. "As we've discussed there are no significant changes besides the terms of validity. You will work under these conditions for the next three years."

The five members of "The Shadow Warriors" nodded and while Ria had already signed her copy without much reading, Shuusei and the others scanned through the pages.

"Still no relationships?" Sairi complained.

"Sorry. I couldn't convince the company. You know…"

"Yeah... so that our female fans could safely go on with their wet dreams about marrying us and give them all their money…" Sairi seemed grumpy.

"Hey, no one keeps you from taking a girl to your room from time to time," Tsukumo teased.

"I would not sign this if it was forbidden," Sairi grinned and put his signature on the line on the last page. "But somehow something serious would also be nice..."

Shuusei just shook his head and continued reading. He was not interested in any relationship regulations but rather in the amount of work they'd have to put in non-musical things like meet-and-greets, interviews and so on. Those were the things he really hated about his job. He was not the most social person.

"You could do this as well, Shuusei. Perhaps it would do you good and you'd lose the stick that sometimes seems to be stuck up your ass when it comes to sexual topics."

Shuusei sighed. "Sorry, I'm not interested in seducing random girls. I don't understand what's so fun about it…"

"Just try and you'll see. I can introduce you to a few girls who would gladly share their bed with you."

Shuusei pulled a face at this thought. "Thanks, I leave the girls to you. I think I can't separate sex from emotion so until have a relationship I won't share anyone's bed. So not for at least the next three years." He was through with the contract and agreed to the workload and put his signature under it as well.

"You miss so much fun. There's nothing more beautiful than a naked girl underneath you filled with lust and passion for your... ouch… Ria!" Sairi rubbed his shoulder where the petite girl just had slapped him.

"Yes you love sex, we know. Be glad you boys are allowed to meet girls. Touko and I are supposed to stay pure… for all those guys to dream on about getting us into their beds."

"Oh, there's nothing written about internal relationships, dearest Ria. I wouldn't mint to make you happy…. Ouw… stop hitting me!"

"Then stop talking bullshit. It's Shuu's decision whether he seduces someone or not. Not every guy is so focused on girls as you are." Ria defended him and Shuusei smiled again.

"Okay. Then let's go celebrate the next three years? I have some champagne in the fridge and maybe something a little stronger? And some good food for you as well, Tsukumo."

The band members handed one copy of the contract back to their manager who would return them to the company for which he worked and which had more Idols and Idol groups under their wings.

"May I join you later?" The manager asked seemingly not wanting to destroy the five friend's moment together.

"Of course, you're always welcome!" Tsukumo nodded. "You're part of our group as well, Ishida-san." The other band members nodded and stood up to leave for Sairi's car.

"Shuusei?" Ishida asked when the band got up. Shuusei looked at him in confusion.

"Yes?" he asked.

"The company wants me to convince you to take model jobs," Ishida said earnestly. "Or act in a movie or two. They think your pretty face doesn't belong only on the music stage. I could barely convince them from putting these conditions into your contract."

Shuusei gulped. Then he shook his head. "You know my answer. I am a musician and nothing more. They shall be happy about me singing. You know my conditions. I am not Sairi who loves to bathe in the spotlight. I'm not Touko who likes acting from time to time. I can't work under pressure. There are reasons for me demanding not to work after concerts and for me not participating at every interview. I stand on the stage to play music and reduce my anxiety, not raise its levels by putting myself into the centre of attention."

"I know, Shuusei, and I want you to be happy with what you do. I'll tell them I did my best to convince you and you will go on just with your music. I support you."

"Thank you, Ishida-san." Shuusei bowed in front of the man. He was really glad that he was their manager. He was someone who cared for their wishes and for who they were and someone who considered their boundaries more important than the profit. Shuusei knew he could earn more money if he took some modelling jobs or started with acting, but he didn't want to. He earned more than enough for a comfortable life and that was all he wanted.

"No problem. See you later at Sairi's" Ishida nodded and left the room shortly before Shuusei who hurried up to join his friends.

Soon after, they arrived at the Shinmei's old mansion from the early 20th century.

"You really have too much money, don't you?" Touko teased when they got off the car.

"You can never have too much money." Sairi grinned and led his friends into the garden, where some of the family's servants had already prepared food and drinks for everyone.

"I'm always impressed when I come here", Tsukumo stated while he already looked towards the buffet to check what kinds of delicious food they would get tonight. Touko shook her head about her brother's antics but she knew and loved him too much to deny him his love for good food.

Shuusei found Sairi's old acoustic guitar near the buffet table and took it to sit down near his friends and started to randomly play. He was no fan of parties so whenever they celebrated something he was made responsible for the music. Be it with Sairi's guitar or later with a playlist or two and Sairi's computer. But for now he wanted to play and enjoy the music. And he was happy to play for another three years with his best friends under good conditions; and hopefully for many more.

An hour later, Shuusei had put the guitar aside and the loudspeakers played joyful music when all five were sitting on a blanket and had their dinner.

"Hey, Shuu... You once told us about your best friend from your childhood. Why don't we know him, yet?" Ria suddenly asked. Shuusei had been listening to the song from the playlist and had missed the moment when they had started to talk about their elementary school days.

Shuusei sighed. "His dad got transferred to Europe and then they had to move a few times and we lost contact," Shuusei answered sadly. "He had found other friends and well... things happen and you just don't know how it happened but the contact breaks. And we didn't use the internet as excessively as in the early 2000s. So I don't know how I could get in contact with him. I don't even know where he lives right now."

"But perhaps he knows about us?"

Shuusei shrugged. Yes, sometimes he imagined how Hotsuma watched their music videos on Youtube, just to know what he was doing. "Perhaps. But perhaps he has a life of his own and all we had is just a happy childhood memory. That's how life works. You can't tell me you're still in contact with all of your first friends."

"Well... no... but when you told us about him you sounded so fond. You still think of him, don't you?" Touko asked quietly.

"I do. I still consider him a friend, no matter where he is and what he's doing with his life."

Shuusei smiled a melancholic smile and got up to get some fruit from the buffet. He really wanted to know what Hotsuma was doing. He should be about done with studying right now. His dream had been to become an astronomer or an astronaut. Shuusei asked himself if his friend had been able to achieve his dream the same way as Shuusei had made his dream of living from the music come true. He shook his head. He'd perhaps never know.

When he returned to his friends he noticed Ishida who joined them with a broad grin on his face. "What happened?" he asked when he sat down. The happy face of their manager pushed the thoughts away.

"I'm becoming a dad! Look!" The man showed them his phone where they could see a sonogram of a fetus.

"Congratulations!" Sairi hollered. "Tanaka! Bring another bottle of champagne. We have another reason to celebrate!

Shuusei smiled but somewhere down in his mind he thought a step further: Ishida's wife lived in Osaka. So... should they prepare to get another manager soon?


	4. Chapter 03

Chapter 03

"I am sorry, guys..." Ishida bowed deeply in front of the five musicians. Five months have passed and he had called the "Shadow Warriors" to the main office of their agency where he had told them that he would leave Tokyo.

"It's okay. We understand you want to be with your wife. She needs you more than we do," Touko smiled sadly. They all loved their manager and wanted to go on working with him but of course they understood his reasons for his urgent wish to move to Osaka for good. There had been slight complications with his wife's pregnancy and he wanted to support her as good as he could so that the baby would be safe and he could not do it from Tokyo.

The other members of the band nodded, no one was happy that their manager wanted to leave. Especially Shuusei felt the well known feeling of anxiety. He hated changes. But he let no one notice how uncomfortable he felt. He couldn't hold Ishida back; not in his situation.

"Don't worry. We won't change your contracts and the rest of the staff will still work with you. And my successor is a human as well, so it should be possible to talk to him if a problem occurred."

There was a knock at the door of the small conference room and a man entered.

"Ah there he is. This is Kase Hiroyuki-san. He will continue my work and I hope you continue your great work together.

Everyone bowed. Shuusei looked at the man. He was a bit older than Ishida perhaps in his early 40s. His suit seemed custom made and gave him a very correct appearance. Shuusei hoped he would accept him skipping on some of the non-musical events. He didn't look like he would like it.

"I'm honoured to work with you from now on. When you have questions or something to discuss, feel free to talk to me. I think we will get along quite well. Ishida-san told me only the best about you."

"Nice to meet you," Ria smiled. "Do you have time? We could have some cake and get to know each other!" she proposed as open hearted as she was.

Kase seemed surprised. "I'd rather have a look the things you work at right now."

"Oh, come on..." Sairi sighed exasperated. "There is no need to rush. We'll have to work closely together and for that, we have to know who the guy scheduling our appointments is. One day delay will not endanger our world tour in a few months or a new album."

"You should rather work on these things instead of having cake."

Well, Shuusei expected problems in the future if that was the new guy's attitude.

"A good piece of cake never hurt anyone", Tsukumo defended the idea as well. "And I can promise we are all working almost nonstop on anything job-related. Just not the common way with desk and paper or instruments but here." He tapped on his temple.

"My brother's right. You don't have to worry about us slacking off. Our music is our life. I guess inside his head are already five new text fragments and Sairi has ten new melodies in his head, same goes for Shuusei."

"Sorry to disappoint you Touko... it's only seven melodies, but one may make it into a new song if Shuusei accepts it and your brother has a fitting text for it."

Shuusei nodded. "Then show it to me later." He was in no mood of long talks. He would need his time to get used to the new guy.

Ishida nodded. "You should accept their invitation. Tsukumo-kun knows the best cafés around here. And I think it would indeed be a good idea to learn more about each other," Ishida proposed. "I already told you these five are strong people but they're all very dedicated to what they're doing."

Kase thought about it but then nodded. "Okay. Thank you for entrusting them to me." The two older men bid their farewells and Kase left the conference room with the band. "So Murasame-kun, where do you propose to have a cake?"

"Do you prefer fruity cakes or creamy cakes or chocolate cakes?" Tsukumo asked and while the two discussed that matter Touko appeared at Shuusei's side.

"You don't like him?" she asked quietly.

"I don't know what to think of him, yet." Shuusei shrugged. He would watch the man while they were having their cakes.

"We will see how he is and if he demands too much of you, we can always go talk to him." The young woman smiled at him and put an arm around his shoulders.

Shuusei nodded and pulled her close with one arm around her waist before letting her go again. He was really lucky to have her as a close friend.

"Hey, Shuusei! Flirting with my sister again? You know even you won't get her for free!" Of course Tsukumo had noticed them having their private talk and felt the need to intervene.

Shuusei shook his head. "I'm still only interested in her friendship, don't worry. But I'll gladly pay for your cake is that's the price for talking to her."

"Nah... It's okay. You can talk to her as much as you want." Tsukumo grinned at him and patted his shoulder. Of course he knew that Shuusei and his sister were close and he'd never deny them their friendship. Just tease them and play the overprotective brother no matter how much he knew it would be unnecessary. If Shuusei would have wanted Touko as his girlfriend they would be a couple for a long time now.

"Usui-kun, can we have a talk?" Kase asked when they had left the café after about an hour and had decided to return to the band's practise room. Shuusei had stayed in the background the whole time and observed the situation to understand what the new manager would be like. Of course he had answered all questions directed at him but he always needed his time with new people.

Shuusei nodded and stepped next to the man. The room was not far away so they had decided to walk.

"I understand you are a quiet guy, and that's okay. But I've noticed you prefer to stay out of certain commitments. I expect you to change this in the future."

Shuusei raised an eyebrow. He had known it would be a problem, this person seemed very correct when it came to prestige, but he had not expected to deal with it already today so he felt unprepared and thrown off-guard.

"Well. I have my reasons for not participating in every interview."

"I don't only mean interviews but especially the meet-and-greets and afterglows after concerts."

"I am a musician, nothing more. All after-concert-activities are voluntary and I very much prefer taking a rest afterwards."

"From now on they're not voluntary anymore. I want all of you to participate." With these words Kase let Shuusei alone and went up to the front of the group again without letting him defend himself or explain his reasons. Shuusei really hoped Kase would listen to him later. He took a deep breath and followed the group. Perhaps he would ask Sairi to send him the new tunes later and return home early. This had been a bit much for him and he wanted to go on working from the quiet of his own home. And he needed to thoroughly think about how he could convince Kase to keep things as they were.


	5. Chapter 04

Aaaannd the next part: The world tour. And a first guest appearance of someone who has been very much missing in this story until now.

Chapter 04

Working with Kase turned out to be difficult for Shuusei. He tried to talk to him, tried to explain why he didn't want to take part in every single interview, why he really despised socializing after concerts... He tried to explain to him that the music was his way to deal with the world; that he had problems with anxiety since his childhood and the music had been part of his therapy, but Kase was unable to understand him. "It's just talking to people about random nothings", "You can perform on stage, so it shouldn't be a problem to shake a few hands", were his arguments. Shuusei could only shake his head. He hated small talk. And talking to people he didn't know.

At least he didn't force Shuusei to take model jobs but he knew that was also thanks to his friends who also talked to Kase. Really, they were a group of different characters. One reason of Shuusei's popularity was his scarce presence off stage.

Nevertheless Shuusei felt exhausted after every concert. He despised small talk. He despised to talk about nothing at all to people he didn't know. Of course the fans were more than happy that the shy young man was more present lately, but they didn't know how much it drained Shuusei from his energy.

So the time flew by, they finished a few new songs which they would present on their world tour. Everyone was a bit nervous. They had already been to Korea, Indonesia and China before but this small world tour of four weeks was the highlight of their career. Until a year ago they had still only joked about playing in America and Europe, but now it was becoming reality and they all were very excited and triple checked if they had thought of everything they needed and practised all the new and old songs they'd be playing until late at night.

"Soo... that would be six more concerts, and we'll be away almost six weeks! The first tickets are already sold! Isn't that great?" Kase looked at the band excitedly. It had been one of the first things he had done as their manager: organized more concerts for the tour. Sairi and Tsukumo seemed indeed happy about it. They were excited to see more of the world. Ria and Touko looked at Shuusei who was sceptical.

"Don't you think you should have asked us before you did something like this?" Touko asked.

"You don't want to play more concerts?" Kase raised an eyebrow.

"That's not it, but we would have liked to have a word in this decision as well. Ishida-san always talked about these decisions with us beforehand. What if one of our grandparents would celebrate their 100th birthday?" The young woman continued. Or one of them needed his alone time in his well-known surroundings to be able to perform his best.

"You're idols, aren't you?"

"First of all we're people with lives, no matter how much they rotate around the music." Even Sairi agreed with Touko after hearing her arguments no matter how much he liked the idea of having more concerts around the world. "We want to know what's ahead of us, then no one would oppose too much."

Kase looked at Shuusei who had not said anything but his expression showed clearly that he didn't like the sudden change.

"Usui-kun? Do you have something to say?"

"I just agree with the others. I've already told you, I hate surprises. Please talk to us when you want to change existing plans. Now excuse me." Shuusei got up from his seat and left the room. He needed fresh air. It would probably not be too bad to be away from Japan with the others and he thought too much negativity into it, but it took some time to get used to new plans.

"Shuusei?" A few minutes have passed and Touko appeared next to him. "He's just left. And we have talked to him. He promised to talk to us in the future. We are no newbies who will do anything the manager says just to keep the job. And we will continue to speak our minds whether he likes it or not."

"Thank you..." Shuusei smiled weakly.

"Can I hug you?" When Shuusei was down he often enough didn't want to be touched so she had learned to ask.

But he nodded and accepted the girl's arms around his body.

"Is it really okay for you? Six weeks?" Touko seemed really worried about him.

"It will work out. Don't worry so much. I'm not that fragile. I've already made very clear I want a room for myself so it will be okay." Shuusei smiled and separated from his friend again. "Do you think we could play a song or two?" he asked

"I wanted to get you for exactly this. The others are already at their instruments." Touko grinned. A good session of playing together had always helped when one of them was in a bad mood.

The first week they travelled through the countries they had already been to: China, Korea, the Philippines and Indonesia where they spent their first week filled with concerts and meet-and-greets. And they started a video documentation of their tour for a new DVD.

After that they had two concerts in Russia before they went to Europe. The program was tough and they barely had time to relax and look around the cities they played in. Even though they stayed in most cities for more than a day Kase had scheduled something every day. At the end of the second week and the first part of their tour through Europe Shuusei already felt like he'd need a break. He was glad that on that Saturday they'd only play on an anime convention in Germany. And Tsukumo and Ria were curious how it would be on a German convention. They loved anime and manga and games so they strolled around and Shuusei had decided to join them in the afternoon. He had spent the first part of the day in the quiet of his room but later he wanted to see something and why not have a look at the location even though it had been a while since he had last watched an anime.

"Wow! There are so many cosplayers here!" Ria was excited. Tsukumo and Ria had looked around the whole day. They were in civil clothes and were glad that almost no one noticed who they were in their simple outfits. They were free until the concert and the following Q&A panel so they enjoyed the day. She had her phone in her hands ready to ask every person who cosplayed anything she knew and liked for a selfie in broken English. Tsukumo was also impressed. This was completely different from Japan where the cosplayers had their own space.

"Yeah. We have to go to the near park as well! I've noticed many cosplayers walking towards it as well." Tsukumo smiled and looked like he was in paradise.

"Later I want to see what kind of merchandise they sell here" Ria dragged her friends with her.

Shuusei was content to follow the two and look around. Two times they were recognized and had to give autographs. Shuusei was impressed by the amount of work everyone seemed to put into their cosplays. He got curious when Ria talked to a person in a historical looking outfit and when he learned that it was self-made he was very impressed and started to ask questions about how she learned how to make this 18th century dress. Now he was really glad that he was so interested in foreign languages so that it was possible for him to speak halfway fluent English.

Later they went to the near park, which was also full of colourful people in cosplays of all kinds.

It happened in the early evening when the stage room was already prepared for them and they had to come together for the sound check. They were on their way to the stage when Shuusei noticed a cosplay he knew. He had loved Rurouni Kenshin when he had been a kid and used to watch it with his best friend. Just seeing someone cosplay the main character gave him nostalgic feelings. And when his eyes made contact with the cosplayer's he froze. It was clearly an Asian guy and he had the feeling he knew these features. But could it really be? So many years had passed. But then he saw recognition in the other's eyes.

"Shuusei! Come, we'll be late." Ria had appeared next to him. Shuusei sighed. She was right. Kase was an impatient person and they didn't have the time. No matter how much he wanted to talk to that one person.

He sighed and nodded to the Kenshin cosplayer before he turned around.

But the cosplayer didn't accept this and hurried after them

"Shuusei!"

He stopped.

"Don't you dare turn your back on me right now!"

Shuusei looked down. "I'm sorry, I don't have time... Although I'm really happy you still remember me."

"Are you kidding? How can I forget you?" The Kenshin seemed filled with indignation.

Shuusei smiled but then Ria tucked on his sleeve.

"I'm really sorry I have to go. Will you see the concert?" Shuusei asked.

"Of course I will. That's the only reason I'm here."

"Then... have fun." Shuusei nodded to the other guy and turned around to leave. He didn't want to be late.

"Shuusei!"

Shuusei turned his head around again.

"Take care of yourself. You look terrible! Take a break!"

Shuusei smiled sadly but nodded. "Don't worry so much," he said and left with a sad feeling in his gut. He wanted to talk more to this guy. Wanted to know how he had been all these years but it was not supposed to happen.

"Who was this?" Tsukumo asked curiously.

"..."

"Shuusei?"

"My best friend."

"Soo, for the next song I will take a break from singing. Enjoy the great voice of our guitarist!"

The audience cheered and seemed very excited. Shuusei smiled. "Thanks. Tonight we'll play a brand new song we've not yet played on any concert but it fits tonight so we will present it to the world ahead of time. It's a song about a friendship which got broken but never forgotten. It's a thank you to a person who is here tonight. Thank you for existing!"

He started to play the first notes. Kase would be furious about the spontaneous change of songs but Shuusei didn't care right now. He really wanted to play this song tonight when he knew Hotsuma would listen to it. Touko was right, they were all strong characters and would not give themselves up for anyone.


	6. Chapter 05

Chapter 05

"What did you think you were doing? You have your scheduled songs! Whose idea was it to change it?" After the panel Kase looked angrily into five faces which did not show any sign of remorse. Especially he looked at Shuusei since it had been his song and after how he announced it, it seemed to have been mainly his wish to play it.

"Ours," Tsukumo said clearly. "It was our decision as a group."

"It's still our concert and the circumstances told us that tonight this song would fit much better than the other." Sairi confirmed Tsukumo's statement. "We're artists and we react to our surroundings with songs."

"It will never happen again. Now go to sleep. Tomorrow afternoon we'll leave for Helsinki", Kase ordered and left the band alone.

Shuusei sighed. "Thanks, guys." It had been his proposal to play the song after all.

"No need to thank us, buddy," Ria grinned. "You needed to send your friend this message. If it were my friend I would have asked to change the songs as well. I'm still always in to change the usual schedule if the situation calls for it."

"Absolutely," Sairi agreed and the siblings nodded.

"It was him who inspired you to the song, right?" Tsukumo asked. Shuusei could only nod.

"So when else should we have played it?" he asked. "As Sairi said, we're artists and we express ourselves with music or else we could leave everything to professional songwriters and composers."

"And lose our identity? Then I'm out," Shuusei protested.

"And without you we'd lose an important part of our creativity. So everything stays as it is and our manager has to adapt to us. Anyone in for a drink?" Sairi changed the topic. It was late but everyone agreed. At least they could sleep in the next day and Shuusei was happy to end this day with his friends.

Nevertheless he was up quite early the next day and after he's packed all his belongings he took a walk through the park and over the con area in the vague hope of finding his friend again. But of course the chance was slim. He remembered him as a night person. He would not be here before the con opened the doors for the last day. And then there were too many people to find anyone by mere chance. So he returned to his friends after lunch so that they could continue their tour through yet a few other European countries.

After Europe they went to Canada and the United States where they played on another convention but usually they held their concerts in medium large festival halls. And of course they had the usual side program of interviews, meet-and-greets and of course their video travel diary.

After one concert in Mexico City they went to a few South American countries and after that to Australia and New Zealand. The longer they were on their way the more exhausted Shuusei felt. He wasn't used to this many appointments. Ishida had always looked out that they took regular breaks and had enough time for themselves while Kase was mainly out for yet another interview and nice pictures which would sell so nicely.

Not only Shuusei went to bed early after the Concert in Wellington. There would only be an extra concert in Seoul before they'd return to Japan where only three concerts in Naha, Kyoto and Chiba awaited them. Shuusei skipped an interview in Naha because even Kase saw how terribly exhausted he was and that it would really be the best if he rested.

So after six too long weeks they returned to Tokyo. Not even Sairi and Ria wanted to celebrate the tour right away and everyone returned home. They'd meet the next day anyways for practise although they'd have three days off.

Shuusei was just happy to come home and take a long nap although it was still afternoon. He was so tired and so happy to come home to his flat with his well-known and loved bed!

But when he turned his key in the lock of his quite expensive flat on the 20th floor, he stilled. Had his sister forgotten to lock the door when she had last been here to take care of his plants? Then he'd call her right away and scold her. He entered the flat and found an unknown pair of shoes in the entrance area. A pair of man's shoes so it could not be his sister. And he could hear the TV running. Shuusei gulped and quietly put his bag down. Carefully he stepped into the apartment to the large living room where he found an open suitcase which didn't belong to him and clothes on the floor which were also not his, the coffee table was full use used plates and glasses – his plates and glasses. And he found someone lurking on his couch. Shuusei frowned deeply and cleared his throat.

Said someone sat up as he noticed Shuusei.

"Oh.. Shuusei... You're back. I... I can explain I..." The intruder stopped when he noticed Shuusei's frown. "You..."

"Hotsuma?" He asked disbelieving. There were not many blond Asians and he had heard this voice only a month ago. But why was he here right now? In his flat? Uninvited? Shuusei yawned. Did it really matter right now?

"Yes... Let me explain."

Shuusei sighed. "Have dinner ready in two hours. You seem to already know where everything is. Then you can explain. I'll take a nap." He informed his friend and turned around to leave the room to the neighbouring bedroom. "And do your dishes."

"Yes, of course. I'm sorry, I didn't expect you back so early..."

Shuusei just waved it away and retreated to his room. Yes, he wanted to know what had happened, but he was much too tired to concentrate on Hotsuma's story. And well, even after all these years he still trusted this person enough to not rob him. He would already have, right? How long had he been here anyway? A few days when the chaos was an indicator. But he was too tired and quickly fast asleep. He didn't even notice how Hotsuma carefully peeked into the room two hours later and decided to let him sleep.

It was only another hour later when Shuusei woke up. And he was a bit confused, because it was already dark outside. Or still dark? His phone was in his bag and his bag was still in the entrance area. He yawned and got up. The flat smelled like some food he didn't know. Oh right he had an intruder who was again sprawled over his couch. But at least the room was completely tidy again.

"Slept well?" Hotsuma asked when he had noticed him and got up to go to the kitchen which was on the opposite side of the living room from Shuusei's bedroom. He had another small room he used as a small office and a bathroom with a quite spacious bath tub for long relaxing baths. Both rooms were only connected to the hallway.

"Yes, thanks," Shuusei answered awhile he got his belongings and returned to his room to sort his laundry. It was past eight so he decided to take care of that tomorrow. When he came back to the living room he found a bowl full of a soup on the table in the dining area.

"I was hungry so I have already eaten. I hope you don't mind bean stew?"

Shuusei shrugged. "I've never tried it. Is it English?"

Hotsuma shrugged. "Dunno... I learned it in Germany," he answered when he sat down on a chair next to Shuusei and let him start to eat.

"I thought you went to England?" he asked.

"Yes at first. But then to France and seven years ago to Germany."

"And now you're back. What happened and why do I find you in my flat so suddenly?"

"I am really sorry. I... I met your sister and she said I should ask you for help..."

"My help?" Shuusei got curious. What had happened these past twelve years?

Hotsuma sighed. "I'm basically homeless without a job and money," he admitted. "I've spent the rest of my money on the con and the flight here."

Shuusei raised an eyebrow. "How did that happen? What's with your parents?"

"They threw me out when I was 18... I..." Hotsuma shook his head, somehow changing his mind about something. "I caused too much trouble... And when I told them I'd still want to try studying instead of learning a job and earning my own money they let me decide: Learning a job from home, or studying when they didn't trust me to succeed so I had to do it on my own... Well... I didn't succeed and now I don't know what to do. I had decided to return to Japan. I'm rather here without any perspective than somewhere I can't even call home."

Oh... That was tough. Hotsuma's parents had been strict, Shuusei knew that but he could not imagine them throwing their own son out. But he didn't ask further questions. Hotsuma would tell him one day.

"I'm sorry..." Shuusei looked at Hotsuma, pity in his eyes.

"Don't be. It's my own fault. I should have spent more time studying instead of playing games." Hotsuma sighed. "And then I've seen that you'd play on the con. I wanted to meet you there I had hoped to talk to you longer..."

"I've looked for you on Sunday... But... I couldn't find you," Shuusei admitted.

"So you really missed me? As you said in your song?" Hotsuma's voice was quiet almost afraid of the answer.

"Of course I did. You are my very important friend." That was out of question. They were friends. No matter how long they had been separated. "So you want to live here?" Shuusei changed the topic. He didn't want to become too sentimental. And it was a fact that Hotsuma needed help.

"Yeah. I... If it's okay for you. I know you need your alone time and I don't wanna be a burden and disturb your private space... I'll try to be as invisible as possible. And I thought... because I can't pay any rent or so... I'll do as much in the household as I can. When I've learned anything over there then it's how to prepare decent meals – D'you like it?" Hotsuma asked and pointed at the soup. Shuusei nodded. It was indeed delicious. "Good. And I will only stay until I've found a job that lets me pay for an own place to live. I really don't want to bother you... You still look so terribly exhausted."

Shuusei remained silent for a few seconds. "I... need to think about it."

Hotsuma nodded. "Of course. Take your time. It's so sudden for you. Only..."

"I won't throw you out without an alternative, don't worry. I will help you," Shuusei smiled and put a hand onto Hotsuma's. They were friends.


	7. Chapter 06

Chapter 06

They had talked the whole evening until late at night, caught up on each other's lives. And Shuusei felt quite at ease. Of course it was strange to have another person in this flat. He usually was alone and only tolerated his sister here from time to time. But the longer they talked the more he could relax. It had been like this as kids as well. When he had been with Hotsuma he felt at ease.

But he also noted they both had changed over the years. While Shuusei was successful in life, did what he loved with people he called close friends and was very popular among his fans, Hotsuma had to struggle most of the time. He had gotten himself into trouble more often than not. He wasn't proud of it but he couldn't change it. One provocation had led to the next and soon after he had come home with yet another black eye and got grounded for it by his parents.

Shuusei couldn't say he liked that part of Hotsuma's life but he could understand that it had been very difficult for Hotsuma to be ripped out of his used surroundings and get used to living in a foreign country and then another foreign country and after that yet another foreign country. It was his way of dealing with the world and perhaps he had just met the wrong people.

When Shuusei woke up the next day and left his room he was reminded that everything had been real. His best friend had returned and was still fast asleep on his couch. Shuusei smiled and prepared breakfast for two from the few things he had found in the fridge, a generous donation by his sister as Hotsuma had explained him yesterday. After he had eaten half of the things he had prepared, he started his laundry and left Hotsuma a note, that food was in the fridge and if he could perhaps take care of the laundry in the washing machine when it was ready and that he would be away until the evening. Then he left for the practise room.

He found it empty but he didn't care. The others should use the day to sleep in.

Instead for his guitar he went to Sairi's Keyboard and started to play some notes. During the night he had had some music snippets in his head and wanted to try the sound on the keyboard. He sank into his music world while still thinking about Hotsuma and the question if he would really want him to live in his flat. It was true, he needed his space and his alone time. And anyone else in the flat would be a disturbance, but he couldn't just leave his friend to himself. Ask one of the others to give him shelter? Hotsuma was not a simple person and Shuusei feared differences when he'd stay with one of his friends...

"Good morning!" Shuusei was ripped out of his thoughts when Ria entered the room. "It sounds like work."

"I'm just playing around, nothing serious. Good morning," Shuusei nodded while still standing at the keyboard.

"Shuusei? Don't tell me we've run out of coffee?"

When Shuusei looked up he saw the girl next to the coffee machine, holding an empty box in her hand. The box which should contain their coffee powder.

"It seems like... we've run out of coffee..." he stated. "Perhaps you should text Touko that they bring some new along?" he proposed immediately before Ria got the idea to throw the empty box at him. She was a bit dangerous before she got her coffee.

Ria sighed, put the box away and took her phone to follow his advice.

"And you have started to play as soon as you arrived and didn't notice, right?"

"Yes. I've already had my morning tea at home," Shuusei smiled sheepishly.

"Of course..." Ria's phone rang and when she read the message she seemed relieved. "The siblings are on their way with breakfast and coffee." She said and sat down on a stool next to Shuusei. Now that she knew her coffee was on the way she could relax and turn her attention to other things.

"Do you have new ideas?" She asked curiously.

"A few. What do you think of a song about the forces of nature? Perhaps a bit related to Vivaldi's Four Seasons," he proposed and played a part of the Autumn.

"Classic meets Rock?" Ria asked and thought about it. "I like that... At least for one or two songs."

Shuusei nodded. "Of course. I don't want to change our whole style but I think it would be an interesting experiment."

"Perhaps we could put it on the next album and ask some orchestra for help?" Sairi's voice interrupted. The young man had just entered the room with a plastic bag in his hand. "What did you have in mind, Shuusei?" he asked because he had only heard the end of the conversation.

"Wouldn't that be too much?" Ria asked before Shuusei could answer.

"Why? Just for the album? I don't think it'd be too much." Sairi put the bag on the still empty table – they had tidied the room up before they left for their tour so for once there were no music sheets or other things on it.

"I like the idea as well," Shuusei said.

"What about coffee?" Sairi asked and went to the machine. "I thought it'd be ready."

"We ran out!" Ria whined and Shuusei added: "The siblings will bring a new packet."

"Ah, I see. I've brought Onigiri for everyone."

"Onigiri? Great! Here are some anpan and melonpan!" Tsukumo announced.

"And the coffee," Touko added and Ria jumped to her feet to take the package into her hands as if it were a precious gift.

"Finally!" She exclaimed and was immediately preparing their coffee. Not only Shuusei shook his head about the girl's love for her morning coffee. But Shuusei also shook his head about himself and his friends. It was only 10 o'clock on a free day right after their first world tour and they were all here and were already planning new songs.

While they were having breakfast (or 2nd breakfast) they talked about Shuusei's idea with the classical inspiration and all agreed that they wanted two songs of that kind and the next few hours they worked on the songs with much laughing and joking around. It had been a while since they worked in such a relaxed happy atmosphere and Shuusei enjoyed it. This was much better than a lazy day at home.

In the afternoon they left the room for a late lunch on the way to a nearby Ramen shop Shuusei finally got to tell the others about the intruder in his flat, because he would have to visit the nearest electronics shop after their meal to buy Hotsuma a cell phone. He had told Shuusei he had to sell his phone to pay for the flight here. It wouldn't work here anyway. So now Shuusei had to take care of getting his friend a new one. No matter what happened in the future he didn't want to lose contact so quickly again. And since he couldn't afford anything Shuusei would have to take care of the matter.

"So, you haven't met for twelve long years, then last month on that con and now he's in your flat?" Ria asked disbelieving.

"Exactly. He wanted to ask me for help when we met back then but you know we didn't have time for any talk... And somehow he managed to run into my sister shortly after he arrived here and she decided I wouldn't mind him in my flat."

"And? Do you mind?" Touko asked carefully. Even the number of times she and the other band members had been at Shuusei's could be counted on one hand.

"I don't know, yet... But I will not leave him on his own devices."

"Shuusei?" Tsukumo looked at his friend with a worried expression.

"Yes?"

"Don't get me wrong, I don't know him and I can be very mistaken... But be a bit careful. Twelve years can change a person. Perhaps it's unnecessary but please look out that he doesn't just use you and is away for good, when he found a job... Or wants to take advantage of your fame and money... Or wants to sell your stuff or worse the information where you live, your private mail-address or your phone number. You know, I don't want to assume anything bad but..."

Shuusei looked at his friend. At first he wanted to protest but when he thought about the calm young man's words he quietly nodded. "I... suppose you're right." He had never thought about that possibility, but... "I'll be careful. I will not spoil him too much." He didn't want to believe it, but it was not completely impossible no matter how much he wanted to trust Hotsuma. But he would not allow him to ruin his life.

"You need to introduce him to us!" Ria changed the topic a bit. They all knew Shuusei was a reasonable person and would take that advice seriously.

"Of course. You will meet him." But not today and not the next day. Shuusei wanted to be productive and creative and that meant Hotsuma had to stay at home.

When Shuusei returned home he could already smell the food and he couldn't deny it was nice to not having to take care of it.

"I'm home!" he called into the flat and was promptly answered with a "Welcome home!"

"How was your day?" Shuusei asked when he entered the living room and found Hotsuma in the kitchen preparing something to eat.

"Quite okay. I've taken a walk through the neighbourhood to ask for jobs and... I've allowed myself to take care of the rest of the laundry... I needed to wash some things as well... I hope you didn't mind."

Shuusei looked to the balcony where indeed the laundry rack was full of clothes he knew and didn't know. Well it was a bit strange having another person taking care of his clothes but...

"Thank you."

"No problem. I've promised to take care of the household as good as I can..."

Shuusei smiled a bit. If Hotsuma could keep this up, perhaps he could allow him to stay. But he'd keep an eye on it. He couldn't forget Tsukumo's words.

"What are you cooking? It smells good."

"Just mixed vegetables with rice. There's not much left in the fridge so I'd need to go grocery shopping tomorrow..." Hotsuma seemed insecure if he could ask for money but he didn't have any.

Shuusei nodded and went to his bag from where he got a piggy bank which he put on the counter.

"I will put the household money here. But it's only for food, your application stuff and things we'll need here," he said sternly.

"Of course. I don't wanna rob you! Let's make a food plan for the next days so you can estimate how much it will cost. I'll keep the receipts so you can control what I've spent."

Shuusei nodded. "Okay." Then he took the other gift out of his bag and put it next to Hotsuma. "Here. In case you need to reach me. Or I need to reach you. I hope this model is ok?"

Hotsuma stared at the phone. It was in a good condition although not the newest model of its kind. "What? Yeah, but..."

"As I said, it may be necessary to contact each other. But!" Shuusei added, "I trust you, but I need to say it nevertheless: Don't brag about having my number. And never give it away, got it?" He really needed to make sure Hotsuma knew that. There were too many people who would pay high prices to get their hands on his personal information.

"Of course! Shuusei, I'm so thankful of anything you do for me! Believe me, I will never give anything away about you. You're my friend!" Hotsuma seemed honestly a bit hurt but wanted to prove his trustworthiness which made Shuusei smile. When it really worked out between them he would let Hotsuma live here as long as he was in such a desperate need of a roof over his head.


	8. Chapter 07

Chapter 07

The next day Shuusei spent with the band again to talk about the new songs and finishing others. And on his way home he called his sister to ask her about how she met Hotsuma and how she got the idea to put him into Shuusei's care. The answer was simple: There were not many blond Japanese people, it had been raining and he had nowhere to go. She was on her way to water Shuusei's plants anyway so she had spontaneously decided to take him with her. And then she had forgotten to contact him about the matter. She was sorry, but Shuusei didn't sound like he was mad so everything was alright, right? Shuusei just shook his head. Sometimes he didn't know whether he should love or hate his sister.

The last of his free days he spent with Hotsuma. They had to take care of several things: Contacting Shuusei's landlord to inform him about the new person living with Shuusei for a longer while, planning the next week and how Hotsuma wanted to spend his days. He needed to look for a job after all. He had already strolled around the neighbourhood the previous days and asked in different stores whether they were hiring but if they did it would only be part time jobs which wouldn't pay the rent for even a small flat, let alone bills and food. Nevertheless he strongly considered to start working at a supermarket, although it was his top priority to support Shuusei and always be able to take care of the household and not to bother him with his presence.

Shuusei created a new user account on his laptop so that Hotsuma could use it to look for jobs online and write applications. And of course to spend time on the internet. They both knew Hotsuma's perspective to get a job was not the best without having finished university so they both prepared for many rejections. Shuusei also promised to keep his eyes open for anything he thought Hotsuma might imagine doing. One of the problems was that the blond didn't even know what he wanted to do now that his dream of becoming an astronaut or an astrophysicist was out of reach forever.

Shuusei left him enough money as well so that he could pay for bus and trains so that his friend was not limited to the neighbourhood. He wanted to support Hotsuma as good as he could.

And they made a plan how often Shuusei liked everything to be cleaned. Hotsuma was not happy about Shuusei's wish to have the windows cleaned once a month or vacuumed the flat twice a week but he accepted it. It was Shuusei's flat and Hotsuma would obey to any rule Shuusei set up.

The food was the smallest problem. Shuusei was open to new experiences and Hotsuma could provide many of those. He had learned to prepare his first meals in France but mainly taught himself how to cook in Germany when he had lived alone during his three years at university so he knew French, German and Japanese recipes and Shuusei really liked the things Hotsuma prepared for them.

So everyday life at home went well and time passed. Shuusei got up early and prepared breakfast for both of them before he left for work and when Hotsuma got up he took care of everything else and his job hunt.

But when it came to work Shuusei had his problems. Even though neither their tour DVD nor anything else from their world tour besides a few photo sets was released yet, Kase already urged them to hurry with the songs for the new album and organized the shooting of new music videos.

And he already thought of a new Japan Tour. Oh and he organized model jobs and other side jobs and the usual fan service events and it was simply exhausting not only because he hated these events but also because Kase started to pressure Shuusei to do even more work, almost seeming to not care that over the next weeks it was almost only him who had the time to take care of the music and sat in their practise room often until well past 10 p.m. The others joined him late in the evening, if at all, where Shuusei provided them with his day's work and they agreed or disagreed to the melodies. Okay, the others worked on song texts in their breaks from their other activities, but they were far away from their usual way of working all together.

Shuusei still refused everything concerning modelling and he didn't care that Kase got angry at him.

"You can't just relax on your guitar and play music. Must I remind you again that you're an idol and not just any school band guitarist?" Kase had called him to the main office for this talk and Shuusei frowned deeply. Of course the manager had got him alone because he knew the band would always defend Shuusei. If he got him alone it was more promising to get Shuusei to give in.

Shuusei sighed. He hated this situation. "I do what's written in my contract. And there is nothing written about modelling or acting," he said calmly wearing a mask of indifference.

"I expect everyone to do their best and more than the pure basics. And you seem to slack off."

Shuusei gasped. "Er... I'm sorry to correct you, but I'm working on the album while Touko is practising for that new musical, Ria is playing in that popular dorama series and Sairi and Tsukumo take model jobs."

"The arrangements can be done by someone else who is more professional at the job. Your main instrument is the guitar right?"

Was this guy serious? They had always done all the creative work together. He would not give it away. And he was sure his friends wouldn't want to do it as well. "That is a decision to be made by everyone. To be honest I doubt they will agree," he said. He wished he could speak his mind more clearly in front of his manager. But he already had enough problems with Kase and didn't want to make it worse.

"I just want to say that you could do other things as well," Kase stated dryly.

"Kase-san... how often do I have to say that I feel completely unable to do anything besides music? It has worked out quite fine like this. Why do we have to change it?"

"Because I think everyone should do the same workload. It will only help you, if you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone. You can always work on your arrangements along the way."

Shuusei looked at his manager very seriously. "Either I put my energy into stuff that makes me panic or into the music. You cannot have both. Ask the others which of the two they would prefer. Have a nice day."

With these words Shuusei turned around and left the room.

When he had left the modern glass building Shuusei leaned on a wall and took a few deep breaths to calm down. Did he really do less work than the others? Yes he didn't act or model, but nevertheless he spent his whole days from the early morning until late in the evening on the new songs. It was a bit difficult to do almost everything alone. This was not how he had imagined his work life to be. It was not the first time one of the others also did other things but the first time that they spent so much time away from their music.

He sighed deeply and then went back to the practise room to gather his stuff and return home. He was done for today. But when he entered the room he found all the others there with cake and coffee.

"Ah there he is. Hey!" Touko greeted him.

"You look terrible." Tsukumo stated.

"Yeah. I'm on my way home; just wanted to get few things. Kase had called me."

"Oh... and?" Ria asked carefully although she could see that it hadn't gone well.

"He really wants to pressure me into joining you with your activities... He'd prefer to hand the music to 'professional' people to take care of the final arrangements so that I have time for other things..."

The other band members looked at each other.

"Nope. Not gonna happen. It's our music and we take care of it ourselves," Tsukumo decided. "The next two weeks I'll be here so we can look into the bass and drum arrangements together", he promised and Shuusei smiled weakly. He'd be happy about some help.

"What makes him think you're not 'professional' enough?" Sairi asked.

"I only play guitar and know a bit about the keyboard..."

"That's why we take care of the drums and bass together..." Ria said outraged. "The music's our main business. And we take care of everything since... the beginning. We will not change it now."

Shuusei nodded. "I told him that I can either do other stuff or make music. I guess he will talk to you about that topic as well."

The others nodded. "You're a full time musician. And we prefer you taking care of that with all your heart. Then our songs sound the best."

Shuusei smiled weakly. "Thank you, guys. Then I'll go home now. And hope Hotsuma is still out. Will you stay here?" he asked while he got up.

"Yes. We thought of looking through the stuff you've been doing the last two days."

Shuusei nodded and looked through the bundles of music sheets to see if everything that belonged together was together.

"Good. Then have fun."

"See you tomorrow. We'll be all here in the morning as well, then we can play everything together and perhaps we get one or two bass arrangements ready. Take a rest!" Sairi smiled.

Shuusei nodded and got some empty music sheets. Perhaps he would be able to work from home, at least for a while.

"See you tomorrow," he said and left the room, leaving four worried people behind. Usually Shuusei wanted to play music when he was down and not return home.

"We definitely need to talk to Kase..." Touko said, glancing to the closed door.

When Hotsuma returned home he was surprised to hear the sounds of a guitar. He hadn't expected Shuusei to be here, yet. When he entered the living room he found his friend on an armchair, absentmindedly playing the acoustic guitar he usually kept in his office room. He didn't even seem to notice him so far he had drifted into his world of music and Hotsuma decided to not interrupt him. He would ask him later what had happened, for now he just left him his space and vanished into the kitchen where he started to prepare their dinner. And he changed his original dinner plan to something he already knew Shuusei liked. Something must have happened and he wanted to support him with giving him some food he really liked. Especially after he found an empty pack of sleeping pills in the trash. When he had sorted out Shuusei's medicine cabinet a few weeks ago it had been almost full. He worriedly looked at his friend through the slightly open door. Shuusei had told him that he had problems falling asleep when he was stressed but... Hotsuma sighed. If only he knew how he could help Shuusei. He knew work was busy with the new manager and Shuusei didn't like it right now, but Hotsuma also asked himself how much of Shuusei's stress was caused by him. He needed to find a job and move out as soon as possible. Shuusei needed his space! And he would still continue to care for his only friend if he had his own space.

Meanwhile Shuusei let his thoughts flow. He didn't even know what he was playing he just needed to keep his fingers busy and make music to keep his mind clear. Had he been too selfish? It should not be too difficult to wear some more or less nice clothes and being photographed. It was almost like shooting a music video, right? He could do that as well. But... He didn't want to do anything besides music, ever. And the music must be finished as well... Everything had become so difficult.

He didn't know how long he had been in this state but when his mind emerged from this world he found Hotsuma sitting at the dining table on the PC typing something as quietly as possible. Next to him the table was set. Hotsuma seemed to wait for him so that they could eat together. Shuusei smiled a bit and after playing a few finishing chords put the instrument aside which led to Hotsuma looking over to him.

"Hey. Feeling better?" he asked calmly.

Shuusei shrugged. "I don't know, not really," he answered truthfully.

"What happened?" Hotsuma asked and closed the portable computer.

Shuusei sighed. Did he want to talk about it again? He went over to the table. "What's for dinner?" he asked instead.

"Ratatouille and I made a Tarte Tatin as dessert. That's a French kind of apple cake," Hotsuma explained when Shuusei looked at him questioning. He got up. "Hungry?" he asked and Shuusei nodded so Hotsuma got the food and while they ate Shuusei told Hotsuma about his day.

"If you don't want to do anything besides music and the finances don't force you to do anything additional then let it be," Hotsuma stated clearly. "If your friends are okay with it then it is good. Don't force yourself to do things you aren't comfortable with."

"You really think so?" Shuusei asked. He was still insecure.

"Yes. You are a full-blood musician. That guy has to live with it. And if he doesn't understand I'll burn his ass!" Hotsuma was dead serious. He wouldn't tolerate that so-called manager to destroy his friend.

Shuusei nodded. "Thank you."

Hotsuma just smiled at his friend.


	9. Chapter 08

Chapter 08

The next weeks passed and Shuusei was very busy. It was now about three months since they had returned from their tour and Hotsuma had settled in with him.

Thanks to the others being present more often, the work on the new album made progress. The DVD of their world tour was released and with that date came new interviews and fan events which put new stress on Shuusei's shoulders in addition to the stress with the new disc. And he was indeed a bit happy about Hotsuma being at home so that he did not have to take care of the household as well. Before his friend had appeared he had often thought about hiring someone to clean but he didn't trust anyone enough to take care of it while he was at work.

Kase had not again asked Shuusei to do things he didn't like and Shuusei assumed the band had talked to him in earnest. He was really, really thankful for their support.

Hotsuma's job hunt was as hard as they had imagined. No company wanted someone without any degree and who had lived so long in foreign countries so he had quickly given up on getting a job in a renowned company. He didn't like the idea of an office job anyway. But what was left to earn enough? He tried different smaller jobs but either he didn't like it or his bosses didn't like his attitude. It was really almost impossible to find something and Shuusei noted that Hotsuma grew more and more frustrated and he couldn't do much else than looking around and asking if there was a chance for his friend to get a job. Hotsuma even worked as an assistant at Shuusei's agency for a few days but after he complained once too much about the work's structure, he was thrown out. Of course... they didn't want people who complained. And Hotsuma was no one to swallow everything thrown at him. That was something he had learned in Europe. So he continued his search for something to do with his life besides being Shuusei's maid.

When Hotsuma returned one early evening from another day of asking for decent work, he found Shuusei already at home again but not depressed with his guitar but restructuring the living room. The sofa which had become Hotsumas bed had found a new place as well as Shuusei's armchairs and the coffee table and he was now busy with looking for a new place for his TV.

"Hey. What're you doing?" Hotsuma asked curiously.

"Hey yourself. How was your day?"

"Don't ask. 'Sorry not hiring', 'We'll think about it if you let the dye grow out', 'We don't want any delinquents' God this is my natural hair colour!" Hotsuma was frustrated and let himself drop onto his couch. Shuusei sighed. Yes, he made the right decision with his plans.

"I see... Well... then tell me where we could put the TV," he asked but Hotsuma looked at him.

"What are you planning?"

"I'll fit the shelves from the office into my bedroom and the desk will go there to the window where the couch used to be. If you look on the laptop, you can choose one of the beds and a dresser and you'll move to the office room. It looks like you'll still stay for a while so you can as well get your own room."

Hotsuma stared at Shuusei. "Wait! You... don't have to do this! I'm completely okay with your couch! Or..." He hesitated "Do you want me out of your vision... I'm sorry if I bother you in any way! Just tell me..."

"Hotsuma!" Shuusei had to interrupt his friend's ramblings. "You don't bother me. And I like you being here. It's nice to come home and have a dear person in the flat. It's not so lonely anymore. And you don't bother me. If you did I'd already pay you a hotel room or something like that instead of trying to make you feel a bit more at home here and giving you more privacy."

Hotsuma fell silent. He had not expected any of this. "Are you sure? I mean... I don't want you to change your life just because I fucked mine up."

"I am completely sure. And when you have found a job and a flat you already have a bed and a dresser so you won't need to pay for at least these two things." And somehow Shuusei didn't like the thought of Hotsuma leaving his flat. He got so much used to his presence. It would be lonely again when he moved out. But Shuusei could understand him. Hotsuma was an independent person and would love to have his own space where he could spread chaos as much as he wanted.

When Shuusei looked at his friend, he found him completely moved by his offer.

"Hey, don't start to cry!" Shuusei demanded and stepped close to his friend to gently caress his cheek. "You're very welcome here."

With these words Hotsuma couldn't hold himself back anymore and hugged Shuusei tightly. The young man was surprised at first but reciprocated it soon.

"Thank you, Shuusei. Thank you. I'm sorry. I don't want to bother you, but everything's so terrible... Yes, I look different, yes I don't fit in... But I just... I just want a place to be and something to do..."

Shuusei smiled and let his hand glide down Hotsuma's back and up again. Of course all those rejections hurt his friend. Shuusei had of course noted it and that was the other reason he wanted to give Hotsuma a room of his own. Even if the world rejected Hotsuma he would always have a place to sleep and something to eat here.

"You're not alone. And you'll find your place as well. There will be someone willing to see behind your blond hair and your pierced ears and give you a job." Shuusei assured him. Hotsuma was a good guy. But it was hard to see when one first met him.

Hotsuma nodded and then soon the embrace felt a bit awkward and they let go of each other again.

"What do you think of going out and having some Ramen tonight?" Shuusei asked. "Or Okonomiyaki? Yakiniku?" he didn't want Hotsuma to cook tonight.

"Is it okay?"

"Hotsuma... I have more money than I can spend and sometimes even you need some free time from having to clean up after me. So let me treat you tonight."

Hotsuma smiled a bit and nodded. "Thank you, Shuusei. You're too kind."

Shuusei just shook his head. "Are you feeling better now?" he asked and Hotsuma nodded. "Good, then tell me what to do with the TV and then choose your bed so that we can go. Oh and you can look on other sites as well. You don't have to choose one of these."

"What?" Tsukumo and Shuusei starred disbelieving at Kase. He was not serious when he had just proposed to them to take girls home, was he? But when they looked at their manager they noted that he indeed was dead serious.

"You understood me. You would make your fans very happy."

"Sorry, I refuse unless you show me the part in my contract that commits me to prostitute myself. I assure you it doesn't exist." Shuusei stated and Tsukumo also shook his head. Kase had asked the three boys for a talk.

"I think..." Sairi added, "It's completely up to them whether they do it or not. Some people like it others don't. I think you are in no position to force them." He sat lazily on a chair and watched the scene. Yes, he liked it to seduce a fan from time to time but he knew it didn't apply to the other boys. "Also: Why would you want to force us to sleep around while Touko and Ria are forced by contract to not meeting any guy even if they fell madly in love."

"It's a sign of manliness. And the girls are..."

"Our _women_ are people just like us," Sairi interrupted their manager especially emphasizing the word women; they were no teenagers anymore. He might be a womanizer but nevertheless Kase's approach was too much for him. "And I prefer you to respect them as well as our fans. Why are we allowed to pleasure our female fans while they aren't allowed to pleasure the male fans? Why would you force Shuusei and Tsukumo to do something they don't want to while you forbid Touko and Ria the same thing if they wanted to?"

Kase stared at Sairi. He had clearly expected him to support his idea since he didn't hide how much he liked women.

"But..."

"There are no buts. The only difference is our anatomy. And that the women might get pregnant... but same goes for the women we may perhaps seduce." Sairi shrugged. "Just for the statistics: I think everyone should decide for him- of herself whether they want to do it or not."

He looked directly at Kase. "So stop that bullshit idea. And for the next contract scratch that paragraph out for our women as well. They are adults and should be able to decide for themselves what they want and who they want."

Soon after Kase left them alone and he seemed in a bad mood that he again had talked to a wall when he just did what he considered right, but none of the boys cared. Really they were no marionettes.

"Wow... These strong words from you?" Tsukumo asked. He hadn't expected Sairi to defend them this much.

"I'm a feminist. It may not seem so but I totally support same rights for everyone. If we are allowed to seduce women why shouldn't they have the same liberty? And now that Kase-san has shown his sexism so clearly I couldn't keep my mouth shut. It's sexist as well to expect men to have sex all the time. Come let's get the girls and have an ice cream together. We have to plan our band's anniversary. And Shuusei, you will bring your flat mate along when we celebrate. I really want to meet the person you can have in your flat for so long that you're giving him his own space."

"Yes, you really need to introduce him to us!" Tsukumo was also curious and Shuusei knew Touko and Ria wanted to meet Hotsuma as well.


	10. Chapter 09

GOD! this chapter was a pain in the ass to write! It grew and grew and I wanted to fit the next part into it as well but then it got way too long. SO have just a fluffy nice filler chapter!

Chapter 09

Okay I'm ready, let's go," Hotsuma said. "Do I look okay?"

"You look great. You're just meeting my friends, no need to be nervous!" Shuusei smiled at his friend.

"And what if they don't like me? If they think I'm not good enough to live with you? If they think I'll drag you down? They're so important to you!"

"Oh, come on! That's ridiculous! You're not my girlfriend asking my family to approve of you." It was almost hilarious. "Even if they didn't like you nothing will change." Shuusei knew Hotsuma well enough that his friends could not change his opinion of his best friend. He would just not let them meet again besides on his birthdays.

Hotsuma wanted to say anything but decided against it. Shuusei would again brush it off. But he really didn't want to become a problem inside the band. It was often like this when someone else appeared in a person's life that too much changed.

After Shuusei had made sure they had got everything they needed - a bowl of fruit salad made by Shuusei, another quite large box of cookies and a cake, a peach-rose-lavender tarte baked by Hotsuma - they left the flat and building. A taxi already waited for them which would take them to Sairi's mansion where they would celebrate the band's 8th anniversary. Kase had at first wanted to promote that event as well but they wanted to celebrate together without having to do any work or introduce the public to parts of their private lives.

It was almost winter so they couldn't sit in the garden but Sairi and Ria had prepared the large living room. Sairi's family had gone on vacation so that the friends had the house for themselves.

When they arrived Hotsuma looked at the large mansion. "Wow... Does he live here alone?"

"No. His family has always been wealthy. And he doesn't want to move to an own flat. He's just too used to this comfortable life." Shuusei shrugged. "But besides that he's really okay."

Hotsuma frowned a bit. He didn't like people who took their wealth for granted. But he wanted to pull himself together.

"Hey, welcome!" Ria greeted them when Shuusei rang the doorbell. "Come in!" She hugged Shuusei and then looked at Hotsuma. "So this is how you look when you're not wearing a cosplay," she stated. "Which brand of hair dye do you use?"

Hotsuma tried his best not to roll his eyes. "It's my natural colour," he said and Ria squealed.

"Oh wow! I'm sorry. But I like it! Come in!" She urged both of them inside when they had taken off their shoes and slipped into guest slippers.

"Are the siblings here, yet?"

"Nope. Sairi's in the main living room I guess or getting you his guitar, I don't know."

Shuusei nodded. "Okay, I've made a new playlist. This time with many European influences thanks to Hotsuma."

"Oh, then I'm looking forward to listening to it. What kind of music do you like?" Ria asked curiously on their way to the prepared party room.

"Everything besides opera, blues and classical music. I don't have one favourite genre."

Ria grinned. "That's good. I can't imagine only listening to one genre as well. There is so much great music out there!"

Hotsuma strongly agreed.

"Do you play an instrument?"

"I've learned to play the guitar. That's where I met Shuusei." Meanwhile they had reached their destination. "But I'm not nearly as talented as he is."

"Believe me, no one is!" Ria grinned and brushed all of Shuusei's protests away.

"Woah!" Hotsuma was amazed by how much party decoration Ria and Sairi had put up. Shuusei already knew the young woman's love for decoration articles so he already went to the table where he put the food they've taken along.

And Ria curiously looked inside the box and already took a cookie. "You don't mind, right?" she had asked a mere second before she put it into her mouth and Hotsuma shrugged. Even if wanted to complain it would have been too late.

"Oh wow! They're delicious! Sairi! You must try Hotsu-kun's cookies!" Ria took another cookie and held it out for Sairi who just had entered the room with his music boxes in his hand. The young man grinned and took the cookie out of his friend's hand and chewed while he put the music equipment down.

"They're really good!" Sairi said when he had swallowed and went over to Hotsuma to hold out his hand. "Hi, nice to meet you in person. When Shuusei doesn't talk about music he talks about you." Sairi grinned and Hotsuma took the hand.

"That's an exaggeration!" Shuusei said.

"No, it's not. First is music, then your handsome flatmate and then everything else," Ria giggled.

Shuusei sighed and started to put the boxes to their destined places. He already knew Sairi's music system well enough that he could get it to work as well.

"As I said: They're all terrible", he declared and Sairi and Ria grinned.

"You love us! Don't deny it!" Ria grinned happily and jumped onto Shuusei's back.

"I don't. That doesn't change the fact that you are loud and don't know the meaning of personal space!" Shuusei grinned and shook her off to knock affectionately with one finger against her forehead.

"You can teach me?"

"Don't push your luck too hard dearest Ria. And I think the doorbell rang. You can go let the siblings in."

Shuusei shook his head when Ria left the room.

When Shuusei looked over to Sairi and Hotsuma he noticed the two were talking about Hotsuma's tarte. He had indeed been a bit worried about Sairi and Hotsuma. They were very different but when he looked at them now Shuusei was positive that these two would leave each other alive even if they came to the conclusion to dislike each other at the end of the day.

But he didn't get to think much longer because Ria returned with the siblings who brought two different kinds of tea and cupcakes.

"Okay, we will not starve today." Shuusei stated when he looked over the table full of food.

"Coffee and tea will be soon ready as well." Sairi said and while the siblings greeted Hotsuma he took care of his laptop so that soon Shuusei could start the music. Somehow he didn't expect their guitarist to play much on the guitar today.

Hotsuma had to answer the same questions about his taste in music again. Well, he knew he would spend the afternoon and evening with a well-known band and from what Shuusei had told him he already assumed that much of these people's lives rotated around music, and they almost knew no other topics. But somehow he liked it and now he knew why Shuusei was so fond of them.

Half an hour later they were sitting at the table, devouring the stuff they had prepared.

"Hotsu-kun, have you thought about asking in cafés if they're looking for a pastry chef?" Ria asked when she took the second slice of Hotsuma's tarte.

"What? I don't think I can do that..."

"Why not? This is delicious! And your cookies are great as well. And when Shuu-kun didn't lie you can also prepare decent meals so why don't you try to work in a kitchen? That should give you more money than being a waiter or filling supermarket shelves."

"But... I don't have that training. I have not learned any job!"

"No one is perfect when they start a job. Just try it!" Ria seemed to like the idea.

"I support this idea," Tsukumo smiled while taking another cookie. "And I will be a new regular wherever you prepare food."

Hotsuma looked at the group who all seemed to like the idea.

"I should have thought about that as well. I think you should try it. No matter if it's sweet or hearty, I like everything you prepare," Shuusei mused. "They won't give you more than other rejections. But I think that would indeed suit you." He looked at Hotsuma. Yes he could imagine him wearing a chef's hat.

Hotsuma gave it a thought. "I don't know..."

"Just consider it," Sairi proposed. "Go to a few cafés and take some of you cookies or so with you so that they can taste that you're not a total beginner"

Shuusei smiled at him and put his hand on Hotsuma's to give it a gentle squeeze. Hotsuma looked at him and smiled as well. None of them noticed the surprised look on the band's faces. It was usually not Shuusei who initiated contact.

They all were surprised when the doorbell rang again. Well, Sairi was not. "Ahh, my special guests," He grinned and stood up while the rest of the band looked at each other. No one seemed to know anything about any special guests. But it didn't take long until they heard a baby's voice and as soon as the guests entered the room the band was on their feet.

"Ishida-san!"

Their former manager had entered the room together with his wife and baby.

"I'm glad to see you again as well!" Ishida greeted them. "This is my wife Mai and our daughter Aika."

"Nice to meet you!" Ishida Mai bowed and the band returned that gesture.

Touko had immediately asked if she could take the baby girl for a while and Ria wanted to take her as well.

"And who is this young man? I haven't heard anything about a sixth member of your group?" Ishida asked looking at Hotsuma.

"This is Renjou Hotsuma, my childhood friend."

"And he's close enough to you that you let him join?" Ishida seemed astonished but greeted Hotsuma friendly.

"He needed refuge and I gave it to him."

"Wait? You're living together? Are you still Shuusei?"

Shuusei rolled his eyes. "Of course I am. I just decided to not let him live in the streets and he is a big help for me." Really, he was kind of a lonely wolf but he had a few people he cared for. And most of these people were in this room.

"I was just kidding. I'm happy for you." Ishida grinned and Shuusei rolled his eyes.

"It's not what you think right now." He was not allowed to have any relationships as Ishida knew as well as the rest.

Then the manager laughed. "I'm just teasing you. It's so rare to see you socialize. But if you're content it's great."

"I am," Shuusei said and looked at Hotsuma. At least when it came to his private life he was very content. Of course the Ishidas got coffee as well and they also found praising words for Hotsuma's tarte.

But then Hotsuma felt a bit left out while the band and their old manager caught up. So he talked to Mai and somehow Aika seemed to already love him.

Ishida was worried when he heard about the problems with Kase. He had not expected that so much would change for the band and that they had slight problems with keeping their creative work afloat. He promised to talk to his successor once again, although the band told him it was completely unnecessary. They were able to deal with it themselves and until now they managed to not take every shit he threw at them. And when it came to scheduling their concerts and organizing everything around them he did a great job.

Later Shuusei went to Sairi's guitar to play a bit and Hotsuma kept him company as well as little Aika who seemed to love the music as well. Especially since Hotsuma took her on his lap.

And while he played everyone knew that he kept an eye on Hotsuma so that he would not feel left out and got bored. It was somehow cute how important his old childhood friend had become to Shuusei. And now that they had all met Hotsuma the last doubts of him were erased. Of course they were not always the same opinion, but they came to respect each other. And Shuusei was allowed to take him along when they had these private band evenings in the future.

"See? It was not that bad, right?" Shuusei asked when they came home. "They are the same kind of weird as I am."

Hotsuma nodded. "I like them." He sat down on the couch. "I've never imagined being so close to them. Yes, you're my friend, but that started before you got famous..."

"We are all humans. I don't care about fame," Shuusei said and got them both a small cup of sake before he sat down next to his friend. "And we all want to make music. That's all."

"And your music is great." Hotsuma took one of the cups raised it and drank from it just as Shuusei did. They had had a few drinks at Sairi's but this was the perfect end for a nice afternoon and evening. Shuusei felt relaxed as he hadn't in a few weeks. Perhaps he'd be able to fall asleep without medical help tonight.

I really don't know if I'll be able to update on friday because ma dad decided I need to accompany him to his sister's for unknown reasons and talks I probably don't want to have... and I'll be back either Saturday or Sunday.  
But I'll try to keep on writing so that I stay on schedule and there will be two chapters until sunday evening. I'll do my best!


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

A few days passed until one evening the doorbell rang. Shuusei looked at his watch and then at Hotsuma who also seemed surprised.

It was almost 9 o'clock and Shuusei sighed deeply when he got up. He asked himself who it could be. His family knew exactly that he wanted them to inform him if they wanted to visit him and usually they preferred to come over much earlier.

When he opened the door he found Kase standing in the doorframe.

"Good evening, Kase-san. How can I help you?" he asked politely. The manager had been busy lately and they hadn't seen much of him (Not that Shuusei was sad about it. He was glad that he could work the way he wanted to without any interruptions).

"Oh, I just wanted to see how you're doing." Kase smiled. "May I come in?"

Shuusei looked at him trying to hide how sceptical he was and let the man in.

Kase looked around. "You have a nice flat," he said.

"Thank you. I like it here." And he hoped it would stay like this. He would not allow this man to invade his private space too much.

When they entered the living room it was empty but they could hear sounds from the kitchen. Hotsuma had already started to clean up.

"You've got another visitor?" Kase asked. Had he really not noticed yet that Shuusei had someone living with him?

"My flatmate," Shuusei explained shortly. He really didn't want to explain his way of living to his manager.

"Oh? I thought you'd live alone and prefer having your alone time?" Kase asked.

"I have enough alone time." Even more since Hotsuma had moved to the office room. "Please take a seat. Tea?"

"Water's enough. I don't plan to stay long." Shuusei nodded and went to the kitchen. He hoped that guy wouldn't stay long.

"Who is it?" asked Hotsuma who was still busy with putting the leftovers into boxes.

"Kase. Don't know what he wants."

Hotsuma raised an eyebrow. "What?" He put the leftovers into the fridge and left the room together with Shuusei. If that guy planned to torture his partner at home as well he would find himself in front of the door faster than he could count to three.

Shuusei introduced Hotsuma and the manager to each other while he handed a glass of water to the man.

"Nice to meet you." Hotsuma said while closely watching the man.

"Nice to meet you as well," Kase said after taking a sip from his glass. "Well I'm here to have a look how you live. I've just visited Otona-chan and I'll also visit the others as well so you don't think I just target you."

Shuusei nodded. "What's the purpose of these visits?" he asked. Really why was that man interested in how they lived?

"I want to understand you all more and reduce the tension that has built between us over the time since I worked with you."

"I see." Okay it was good that the man noticed that there were differences between them which were hard to resolve

"May I ask what led to you two living together?" Kase asked.

"Personal circumstances." As if Shuusei would tell the man Hotsuma's problems. They had told Ishida more about these circumstances but Shuusei trusted his old manager more than this guy.

"So it's a temporal solution?"

"Who knows what the future brings?" Really, that was none of his business.

"I see. Do you mind me looking around a bit?"

Shuusei raised an eyebrow. "To be honest, yes I do."

Yes, he was interested in reducing the tension, but he didn't want anyone sniffing around here.

"Usui-kun, I hoped you'd be more accessible here under more private circumstances. Or don't you want to erase our differences?"

Shuusei took a deep breath. "I absolutely want to get rid of them. But I expect you to respect my word."

"I just want to know more about the way you live to get to know you better. It's not forbidden, right?" Kase got up to look at Shuusei's book shelves.

"I think you should leave now. You've seen enough of this flat." Hotsuma proposed. Shuusei was a bit proud of his friend that he had been able to stay quiet for so long. He had expected him to say something a bit earlier. But Hotsuma was right. He didn't have the impression Kase was willing to have a talk on eye-level.

"And I think you should stay out of our talk. Usui-kun you should really reconsider your choice of a flatmate." Kase said and turned around.

"Well I think I talk whenever I want and I don't like nosey people."

"What?" Kase stared at Hotsuma.

"You heard me. I will not let some old bragger shut me up."

Kase was quickly in front of Hotsuma and Shuusei was just as quickly next to his friend. "I will not tolerate any fights in here. Kase-san, would you please leave? I will not change anything about the way I live my private life and who I allow to live with me."

Kase stared at the two younger men. "Don't talk to your manager like this, Usui-kun. I only want your best!"

"His best? His best is letting him work the way he wants to instead f forcing him to do things he hates to do!" Hotsuma defended his friend. He really couldn't stand that man.

"And you shut up. Or are ... you two engaging in sodomy?" Kase asked in a disgusted voice.

"Kase-san. Leave. Now." Shuusei demanded, voice kept low and very dark. Now his manager had crossed a line. He went to the living room door and made very clear gesture.

When Kase didn't react at first Shuusei added: "Have a very nice remaining evening." In the same dark voice.

"Are you throwing me out?" Kase asked frowning.

"I am. Leave or I will ask the police to remove you from my place. You have no right to be this invasive." And now Kase listened although he was angry as well.

"You will not talk to me like this again."

"Good night." Shuuei stated clearly and looked at Kase sternly.

When they were alone again Shuusei let himself fall onto the couch. He felt terrible. He curled together and tried to not letting the past minutes get to him but failed. Hotsuma looked at his friend. Should he leave him alone? But then... he had once seen Shuusei like this, a long time ago and that had been the day he had decided to support him the best he could.

So Hotsuma sat on the floor next to the couch and helplessly started to brush his fingers through Shuusei's hair not speaking a word. He wanted to show his friend he was there but not force him to say anything if he didn't want to. Shuusei didn't move for a while. But then he pulled Hotsuma's hand out of his hair but held it in his own. Somehow he didn't want his friend to leave him.

"He will now find new ways to show me he's the boss..." Shuusei muttered after what seemed like an eternity.

"And then we'll all show him he's not and he has to work according to your wishes. You are the artists, his job is to take care that everything besides your music goes smoothly. He has gone one step too far with the things he just said." And with this whole visit, but he kept that for himself. He just wanted Shuusei to feel better.

"If I can help you... if you want me to come with you tomorrow or any other day, just tell me,"

"It's okay. I'm not that weak." Tomorrow he would feel better and go to work as he was used to.

Hotsuma didn't get to say anything because Shuusei's phone vibrated on the table. He looked on it and saw a familiar name on it.

"It's Touko," he said, "Do you want to take it?" Shuusei didn't look like he wanted to talk to the outside world. And as expected Shuusei shook his head.

But after a few minutes the girl tried it again and Hotsuma rolled his eyes. "Do you mind?" he asked and took the phone.

"If you want to talk to her" Shuusei shrugged, so Hotsuma accepted the call.

"Shuusei, can you believe it?" Touko asked even before Hotsuma could say anything. "Kase just came around 'too see how we're living!"

"I know, he's been here as well," Hotsuma said darkly. So the manager had continued his tour to harass the rest of the band as well.

"Huh? Hotsuma?"

"Yes. Shuusei doesn't feel well."

"Oh... Sorry... Can you ask him to come to work nevertheless? We need to discuss Kase's behaviour. He was in a terrible mood."

"Yeah I will. But let him keep his mood. It's entirely his fault..."

"Oh?"

"We had to kick him out." Shuusei said after he took over the phone and turned on the speaker so that Hotsuma could listen as well. Touko had spoken so loudly that Shuusei could understand her as well.

"You... wow. So bad?"

"He's an asshole. I'd like to hand in an official complaint about him invading private space and demanding things he's not allowed to."

Touko gasped when she heard Shuusei swearing. So it had been really bad and that affirmed her in the reason of calling him: "So you're in with the idea. Ria had called us to propose the same thing. We'll talk about it tomorrow morning."

"I'll be there, don't worry." A tiny smile crept on Shuusei's lips.

"Good. Take a rest and ask Hotsuma to make you a tea or something sweet."

"I'll make both!", Hotsuma promised and vanished into the kitchen where he took two of Shuusei's cups in which he prepared a small portion of cake dough which he put in the microwave. It was quick and delicious, good enough for Shuusei when he was feeling down.

"Shuusei?" Hotsuma asked quietly. He didn't know whether it was good to talk about it right now when Shuusei was still quiet but he felt the strong need to talk about it.

"Hn?" Shuusei looked up from the cup which he was quietly emptying.

"I... can't stop thinking about what Kase said before... you kicked him out... About the image of two guys living together when one of them loves his alone time..."

Shuusei looked at his friend and brushed his bangs out of his face. He was in no mood to discuss anything anymore tonight. "I don't care. You are my friend and I gladly help you. And I really like your presence." He thought he had already made that clear enough and did not have to emphasize it again.

"Even..." Hotsuma gulped. "Even if... I really preferred men over women?"

When Shuusei looked at Hotsuma again he had the feeling of looking into a puppy's face which expected to be kicked out immediately. He shook his head. Honestly? That was his problem?

"You have proved now for almost five months that you are a decent human being who does not jump everyone from their preferred gender. Congratulations." Yes, Shuusei was being sarcastic but he really was in no mood to discuss things like that. Although a small part of him took this information in very quickly and also happily.

"You... don't mind?"

"Hotsuma... I say it once and for all: You are my best friend. I accept you the way you are. I couldn't care less what kind of people you prefer as long as you introduce your potential boyfriend to me before bringing him here. But that would apply to girls as well."

"I-I don't have a boyfriend... I just... wanted you to know just... in case you don't want a gay person to live with you..."

"As I said: you are who you are. Why would I kick you out just because of that additional knowledge?"

"Because that's the main reason my parents kicked me out..."

"... Oh... really?" Shuusei had assumed it was not only Hotsuma's problematic behaviour that led to the break with his parents but this?

"They found me fooling around with another guy... I was in that phase I had to try myself out and find out who I am..." He looked at Shuusei trying to figure out if he would judge him for anything.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me. I'm friends with Sairi who doesn't hide his love for the female part of the world."

"I don't sleep around anymore..."

Shuusei smiled and shook his head. Secretly he was glad about these words but he didn't say it. "It's okay. Nothing will change. Believe me." Then he got up. "And to prove it I'll just go to bed and make your breakfast as soon as I get up just as I do every morning. I have to go to work and file a complaint about Kase-san after all."

Hotsuma nodded.

"Thanks for the cake. It was delicious!" Shuusei smiled at Hotsuma, ruffled through his hair and then vanished to bed. Sadly he was not allowed to have a relationship.


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Time passed. The work on the album intensified so that they'd be able to keep the planned release date. All five band members spent long hours practising and recording and having photo shoots for the cover and the booklet. And there were interviews scheduled with what felt like every big music magazine in South East Asia and for radio stations and TV shows... And Shuusei had to take part in more of that stuff than he wanted to.

Of course they had several small concerts from time to time and Kase was already planning the release tour through Asia.

The relationship between the band and their manager stayed chilly. The private visits had distanced them even more. One day when they returned to their practice room from a small lunch break they found the boss of their agency sitting on an armchair.

They were surprised but greeted the man, a guy with long light reddish brown hair and a scar on his cheek.

"Good that you're all here," the man, Giou Takashiro nodded towards them. Ria got herself a guest chair before she started to prepare coffee and tea while the others sat down on the other armchairs. Tsukumo got the box with cookies which Shuusei had brought yesterday with best regards from his flatmate which he offered to their boss – after clearing the table from any work-related stuff.

"Pardon the mess, you may know the release of the new album is close and we're busy."

Takashiro shook his head. "Don't worry. I'm not here to control you. I know you work very assiduously."

"Then what leads you here?" Sairi asked curiously.

"I have received your complaint about your manager's behaviour. Thank you Otona-san." He accepted the cup of tea he was offered.

"And? What do you think?" It was again Sairi who spoke as always.

"I've already talked to Kase-san about the matter. He said he did the visits to get to know you better. He was more under the impression that you wanted to bully him out."

Shuusei exchanged a look with Touko.

"I totally support everything that strengthens the relationship between a band and their manager and I will not tolerate one party harassing the other," Takashiro continued and raised a hand when he saw the band wanted to immediately protest. "So I am here to listen to your version of his visits. What had happened that led to you complaining about him?" He looked at Ria.

"I think I was the first he visited. He was still friendly even though he was much too curious. He wanted to be led through my flat and asked a few too many questions about potential visitors and about my guy friends."

"Well he wanted to make sure you stick to your contract. I don't think it's too problematic." Takashiro mused.

Ria shrugged. "I didn't like the way he asked. As if he expected me to hide a secret lover – who doesn't exist. He was just too curious but not completely unfriendly."

"I see, so where did it escalate?"

Shuusei gulped. "When he visited me after Ria-san," he said. He felt nervous and tried not to play with the zipper of the sweater jacket he wore.

"Ah, yeah he said you kicked him out and threatened to call the police?"

Shuusei nodded. "He showed the same curiosity he had with Ria-san. And he got already agitated when I denied him his wish to look into every room of my flat and then disrespected it. And after he assumed any kind of sexual relationship between my flatmate and me in an incredibly rude way I asked him to leave."

"You have a flatmate?" Even the boss seemed to know that Shuusei was not the most social person.

"I do... A childhood friend of mine who has nowhere else to go, so I give him a place to live." That was enough information, right? And it gave away said flatmate's gender so that it really should be no problem.

"I see. May I ask how exactly it happened?" Takashiro asked so that Shuusei had to recall the details of Kase's visit.

Takashiro nodded again when Shuusei had finished.

"I am really interested in a good relationship with our manager, but I want to be respected as a person as well." And Kase didn't show any respect for him.

"And he doesn't?" Takashiro asked.

"No," Touko barged in. "He doesn't even recognize Shuusei's work although half of the music of the new album is from his hands. He has his problems with Shuusei only concentrating on the creative work and staying out of many other activities. Sometimes I have the feeling he talks to a child when he addresses Shuusei."

"What does your contract say?" Takashiro asked Shuusei. "It's strongly expected from the idols to participate in other activities as well."

"It says I have to participate in music-related stuff but I don't have to take model or acting jobs." He got up and took a folder from a shelf to show Takashiro the contract.

"Oh, why is it like this?"

"I asked to include it when I first started to work for this agency. I'm not comfortable doing the other stuff and I have enough work to do since we do all the creative work ourselves."

Takashiro nodded again. "Okay." He didn't seem to like Shuusei's explanation but he accepted it. And the contract was not the topic anyways.

"So he was curious and you didn't want to give away too much personal information and when he asked you about your relationship with your flatmate you threw him out?"

"It wasn't that he asked about our relationship, it was the way he assumed it. It was simply rude."

"What did he say?"

"He asked us in a very disgusted voice whether we were 'engaging in sodomy'," Shuusei quoted Kase.

Takashiro raised an eyebrow. Apparantly Kase had not told him that detail.

"That were really his words?" Tsukumo asked after Takashiro had left. Not without taking a few of Hotsuma's cookies with him.

Takashiro had shown sympathy with the band but he couldn't give them a new manager as they had requested. There was simply no one else who could do the job without changing another idol group's manager as well and he didn't want to do it right now.

"That was what he said and why I had to make clear he's not welcome in my home."

"Wow... Even if you were gay that's not how you ask," Ria exclaimed. "You had every right to kick his ass!"

Shuusei shrugged and finished his tea. He didn't know what to say, so he just continued with the stuff he had been doing before they had left for lunch.

The following weeks were filled with finishing the recording of the songs and planning of the release tour. Kase seemed to pull himself together so Takashiro had had a serious talk with him.

Nevertheless the time was very demanding and so Shuusei had to deal with a very worried flatmate who had discovered an opened pack of caffeine pills next to Shuusei's sleeping pills. Shuusei had to promise to take good care of himself and to take a break when he needed it. But what should he do? The work had to be done! No one had any free time and all of them were only home to sleep and one meal a day.

It happened during the week before the release, they were just practising some sort of choreography for the songs they'd perform on the tour when Shuusei's phone announced a text message. When he looked at the screen during the next short break he noticed it was from Hotsuma: "Sorry, I'll not be home tonight to cook for you. Perhaps I've got a job at least for the next two and a half months. Details later at home."

A happy grin appeared on Shuusei's face when he replied. "Congratulations! Take your time. That's more important than preparing my meals. I'll get something on my way home."

"Good news?" Touko asked when Shuusei put the phone aside.

"Hotsuma may have found a job. I don't know where, yet. He sounded like he'd stay there already today to prove his abilities."

"Oh that's great for him!" Ria cheered. "You need to tell us everything tomorrow!"

Shuusei nodded. His friends regularly asked about Hotsuma and they had given Shuusei several addresses where his friend could try to land a job.

But then they continued with their practise. Shuusei hoped they'd be finished by tomorrow. Unlike many other idol groups they didn't have complicated choreographies simply because four of five band members were playing their instruments but some songs demanded a bit of organized movements.

Later at home Shuusei waited for Hotsuma's return. He had gotten his guitar and played on it just for fun to pass the time.

It was almost midnight when Hotsuma came home.

"Huh? I thought you'd be already asleep," he greeted Shuusei who put the guitar aside.

"What? Not before you tell me where you've been today and what your job's about. I'm dying from curiosity!" Really, what did this guy think? No matter how busy Shuusei was, he would always be interested in Hotsuma's life and relinquish some hours of restless sleep.

"It's about cooking," Hotsuma said and dropped onto the armchair.

"That's good. And what else?"

"You remember the restaurant we used to go to on our birthdays as kids?" Hotsuma asked.

"There?" Shuusei asked excitedly and looked at his friend curiously eager to get more details. He hadn't been there in a long time but he had loved the family-like atmosphere of the restaurant. The owner and his wife had always been so kind to them and the food had been good.

Hotsuma nodded.

"But why only for two months?" Shuusei asked. "I remember Fujita-san liking you very much and always calling you her little gold-boy"

"They may be closing soon. Fujita-san's husband's too old for the hard work in the kitchen and somehow after he retired they lost too many guests. She was reluctant to let me at least prepare something for her, but when I convinced her she liked it. She wanted to keep it open for the next two and a half months and then close it unless she finds someone who could bring them new customers. She's also not the youngest anymore," Hotsuma explained.

"So..." Shuusei looked at Hotsuma. "It's your task to get them new customers with your cooking?" That was great!

"I hope I can do it. I mean... I'm no professional chef!"

"But you're great at cooking. Perhaps that's exactly what they need: Fresh ideas from someone who's not familiar with the conventional way of cooking. And when I look at it nothing can go wrong. If you succeed the shop can survive many more years and you can work there for a long time but if it should fail the worst thing is that you have to go on looking for another job. If Fujita-san is really preparing to close the restaurant she would not have any risks." That was a great chance for Hotsuma. Shuusei would support it.

"May I already make a reservation for our release party next week Saturday? Five people?"

"What?" Hotsuma asked.

"We'll release a new album next week, already forgotten? And we usually celebrate by going out to eat. I guess everyone wants to have some food prepared by you."

"Shuusei..."

"Have faith in yourself. You can do it!" Shuusei smiled at Hotsuma. He was so happy for him. And he hoped they could succeed. A small restaurant was a place he could imagine his friend; a place where people could look behind a person's appearance. "I mean... you could try to be creative in the kitchen, right?"

Hotsuma nodded. "Fujita-san wants me to prepare a few meals for her to try tomorrow and which she may add to the menu. She encouraged me to use my European experiences."

"That's fantastic! Hotsuma, I'm so happy for you!" Shuusei smiled as happily as he hadn't in many weeks; although he knew in the back of his mind that in case it succeeded Hotsuma would start to look for an own place to live. And somehow Shuusei really didn't like the thought of being alone again.


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The release was a success. They had the first concert of their release tour that night in one of Tokyo's biggest halls and celebrated with their fans. Even Shuusei had not tried to avoid that event because it was something special. But when he came home he only fell into his bed. It was after midnight after all and Hotsuma was just watching a dumb game show on TV so he noticed his return.

The next day the band visited the restaurant where Hotsuma worked now. It was in a small street near a big shopping mile. The building was at least 70 years old but well-kept and Shuusei felt a bit excited to come here again. It had been so many years.

It was Fujita-san who greeted them and led them to their table. There were no other customers at the moment which made Shuusei feel sad. When they came here as kids they often had to wait to get a table.

"Hotsuma-kun had already announced that you'd come. I'm happy to see you again as well, Shuusei-kun. God, it's been so long. And now you're so famous!" The old woman was happy to see him again. "Congratulations on the new album although I have to admit I don't listen to your kind of music. Wait, I'll get you the menu."

"It's nice here!" Tsukumo stated when he looked around.

Fujita-san returned first with a carafe of water, five glasses and then five menus. "Today's specials are ratatouille and chicken tikka masala," she told the young adults.

"I want something prepared by Hotsu-kun!" Ria chirped.

"That would be the specials. Hotsuma-kun is still getting used to the regular menu," Fujita-san explained.

"The ratatouille is fantastic! It's become one of my favourite dishes," Shuusei explained. "But I'll try the chicken. He hasn't prepared that for me, yet."

So in the end Tsukumo and the girls wanted ratatouille and Sairi and Shuusei took the chicken. And they ordered the most expensive sake the shop had to offer. They were here to celebrate after all.

While they were waiting for their orders Sairi noticed a piano on one of the walls. "Fujita-san? Does the piano work?" he asked the woman who was just getting their sake ready.

"It hasn't been tuned in ages so I guess it would sound terrible in your ears."

Sairi thought for a moment but got up nevertheless and sat down at the instrument just to try it out.

"What do you think?" he asked his friends.

"Could be better, but no catastrophe. Play us something nice!" Tsukumo asked and Sairi started to play.

"It's been ages since I last played a piano." The young man grinned but visibly enjoyed himself.

He returned to the table when they got their sake to raise his cup with the others but then returned to the piano and played a new song.

"May I request a song?" Fujita-san asked a bit shyly. "I don't know if you can play it, though..."

"Just ask and I see what I can do. I can never ignore the wishes of a beautiful woman," Sairi winked and Fujita-san's cheeks turned a little bit red.

"Oh you don't have to flatter an old hag like me, young man."

"I don't. I'm just stating the truth. Beauty has nothing to do with age. So what can I play for you?" Sairi enjoyed this conversation very much.

Fujita-san asked for a song that must have be modern at least 30 years ago but Sairi knew it and after he tried a few passages started to play.

Shuusei watched it silently but happily. He was glad his friends liked this shop. Perhaps they could tell other people about it so that they could get new customers. He didn't want this restaurant to close.

After a while Hotsuma came out of the kitchen. He wouldn't miss the chance to deliver the food himself. It was no problem since they were still the only guests.

"Hotsu-kun!" Ria cheered when she saw the boy. "You look great!"

"Er... Thank you!" Hotsuma was surprised due to the joy Ria showed only by seeing him. "You look great as well. Who had the ratatouille?"

When everyone had their food Hotsuma sat down with them for a while to talk. They hadn't met since the anniversary and he also hadn't seen Shuusei today so he just took his time to catch up a bit. And to listen to the praise the five had for his cooking.

"Really at first I was a bit sad when I heard you'd not prepare sweets, but this is really great!" Tsukumo grinned and Touko nodded. She had just stolen some of Shuusei's food just to try it. "We'll send our parents over, soon. They need to try your food as well!"

"I'd be happy if you did." Hotsuma sighed. He was worried that they wouldn't make it.

"We will!" Ria promised. "Sairi you need to get your family here as well. They know many people and can spread the word!"

"They prefer other kinds of restaurants, but I'll ask them to try it. It's delicious!" Sairi said.

"Thank you."

"Oi Renjou!" A voice came out of the kitchen. "Break's over! You've got things to learn."

"Coming!" Hotsuma sighed and got up again. "Work's calling. See you later." Hotsuma left the group and returned to the kitchen. He had to learn to prepare the meals from the regular menu as well after all.

"And you Shuu-kun must also get your family to come here! They know this shop and they know Hotsu-kun so it will be no problem, right?"

Shuusei nodded and smiled. Sometimes he envied Ria for her endless positive energy. But before he could answer the door opened and a bell announced new customers.

"Be Welcome!" Fujita-san greeted the new guests and Shuusei almost choked on his sake when he recognized the three people.

"Oh..." a young woman said. "We just talked about the family-like atmosphere here. But I didn't expect it to become this family-like."

Shuusei shrugged and got up. "Sometimes life surprises you more than any story can do, dearest sister." Shuusei got up and hugged the smaller woman who was two years older than him. She looked even more fragile than Ria but Shuusei knew his sister was also a tough person.

"Congratulations on the new album! I love the songs!" She said happily. She usually pre-ordered everything her brother and his band released.

"Thanks. I'm glad you like it!" Shuusei smiled at his sister.

"It's a surprise to see you. How are you?" his father interrupted the siblings' warm greeting. He was a tall, stern man whose whole aura spoke of pride and all-seriousness.

"I'm fine. Work's demanding. And you?"

Shuusei noticed a small twitch at the corner of his father's mouth. But gladly he didn't say anything. "I'm fine thanks. Congratulations... I guess"

His mother greeted him a bit more warmly. "Congratulations on your new album. Can you take a rest now? You seem to be tired"

Shuusei shook his head. "We'll have two concerts in Tokyo the next two days and then go on tour again for a month. But only through Japan and Asia this time."

"But try to take a rest. You look like you'd need it," his sister pleaded quietly.

"Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Really!" He smiled to underline his words.

"Hey, Shuusei, won't you introduce us?" Touko demanded now that all the important things were said.

"Of course," he sighed and introduced both parties. Shuusei had moved out early and somehow the band had only met his sister once at a school festival but not the rest of his family.

His father kept his distance and already sat down at a table while his mother and sister talked a bit to Shuusei's friends until they sat down as well. Shuusei preferred staying with his friends. No matter how much he loved his sister his relationship with his parents was a bit cool.

"Is that European stuff edible?" He heard his father ask sceptically and sighed. That man was just too narrow-minded.

"You can. Both dishes are delicious," Shuusei said. "And made by Hotsuma."

"Hotsuma-kun? I mean... you told me he can cook but that he'll work as a chef?" Sachiko, Shuusei's sister asked. "Then I'll try the chicken stuff!"

Shuusei's mother wanted to try the ratatouille and his father stuck with something Japanese from the menu.

"Your dad's a bit grumpy isn't he?" Ria asked quietly. Sairi had again occupied the piano and played some meldoies that no one could really dislike so that private talks were possible.

"He's not too fond of me. Wanted me to get a 'real' job in some big company sitting at a desk all day long for forty years and not living a dream which may very well end suddenly and then I'd have nothing left."

"Ugh boooooring. I'm glad you chose to stick with us!"

Shuusei laughed. "I'd always choose you over some boring live according to society's plan where you barely live at all." Really. No matter how stressful and problematic this life was at the moment, he didn't regret his choice to follow his dream of becoming a musician.

They spent the whole evening in the small restaurant. Sometime later in the evening Sairi played music to dance to and soon they had cleared a small space so that it was possible to dance. Fujita-san enjoyed how lively her restaurant suddenly had become and the music attracted other customers.

Later Sairi and Shuusei switched places so that Sairi could dance and Shuusei could get a bit away from the crowd of people. He had danced with his sister and the girls as well. But then he was happy to just sit there and play music as always when it got too lively around him. Especially when they got recognized he was glad to be busy with the music so that he wasn't talked to too much.

They only left when the restaurant closed for the day and Shuusei was happy that he didn't have to leave alone. He was quite drunk from all the sake and Hotsuma took good care that he reached home safely.

"Haah it was a nice evening," Shuusei stated, when he kicked off his shoes.

"Indeed. I could hear your fun in the kitchen. Perhaps we need to organize music events from time to time." Hotsuma mused.

"Sounds good. But then you need to tune the piano."

"Fujita-san had already made a note to call someone. She loved the evening as well! Guess you all will get a thank you present soon."

Shuusei snickered. "Yeah. She loved the good mood. And she loved it when Sairi had asked her for a dance."

"Old womanizer." Hotsuma grinned and Shuusei nodded. He had taken out his phone and Hotsuma couldn't get what he was doing. "And you had fun as well?" he asked.

"Yes. Very much. Although there was one person I wanted to dance with but couldn't"

"Huh? You could have asked that person?" Hotsuma said reluctantly. Didn't he like the fact that Shuusei wanted to dance?

"Nope. That person had to work in the kitchen and didn't have the time to dance with me." Shuusei had now chosen a song and pressed play, then put the phone aside. "Would that person grant me a dance now that he has the time?"

Hotsuma looked at his friend. Was he serious? Or just too drunk? But he couldn't withstand the begging look in Shuusei's eyes so he nodded. "Of course." he said and took Shuusei into his arms to lead him around the room to the powerful sounds of a song he didn't know.


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"You know when I'll be back. I don't care what you do in the meantime just have the flat clean when I return. And please no guys I don't know." Shuusei said. He was just packing his things for the tour. Four weeks through Asia then a few days off and then more concerts in Japan before they could return to do other things. He already felt exhausted before they had even left the country.

"Shuusei... I'm not interested in meeting guys right now!" Hotsuma protested harshly.

"Just wanted to say," Shuusei smiled and ruffled through Hotsuma's hair. He wouldn't like the thought of Hotsuma meeting anyone anyway. But he would not keep him from it if he wanted to. Just not in this flat.

The next month Shuusei was away on the tour. Like on the world tour the schedule was packed and left almost no time to relax. Kase still tried to get along with the band although he still asked much of them.

They toured through most of the countries they had already been to but also went to India Cambodia, Malaysia and Singapore for the first time. At the end of the tour Shuusei was as exhausted as he had been on their world tour and only wanted to come home again. He enjoyed the concerts, of course but everything around them was just too much for him. He was just glad he had his sleeping- and caffeine pills so that he could get through everything without breaking down. He really didn't want to disappoint the fans.

But when he came home he felt just very exhausted and he hoped Hotsuma would be at home to make something to eat. He really didn't feel like preparing anything himself. It was still morning and the chances were high that Hotsuma had not yet left for work.

When he entered the flat he found Hotsuma's shoes and heard him on the telephone. Good. Then Shuusei could take a nap like when he returned from the world tour.

"Yes, thank you very much. And what about the other flat?"

Shuusei gulped when he heard these words. So Hotsuma really prepared move out. He didn't want him to. Not at all.

When Hotsuma had ended the call, Shuusei entered the room.

"I'm home," he announced.

"Welcome back," Hotsuma smiled. "You should take a rest and I'll prepare some food?" he asked and seemed in quite a good mood.

Shuusei nodded but before he retreated to his room he looked at Hotsuma. "You don't have to move if you don't want to," he said. His body wanted nothing but sleep, but this was more important.

"I promised not to bother you more than necessary. You need your space."

"You give me more than enough space. I like living with you."

"But I can't continue like I had before now that I spend so much time at work. And I can't expect you to take care of my stuff while you look like you nearly pass out. Look, take a rest. I'll prepare something nice for you and we can talk about it later. I've taken a day off so I'll be here almost the whole day. I have one appointment to look at a flat this afternoon, but the rest of the day I'll be here."

Shuusei smiled weakly. "Would you stay if I asked you to?"

"What?"

"Hotsuma... I don't want to force you to stay. If you prefer your own place to live I won't hold you back. But you really don't have to. I would be happy if you stayed."

Hotsuma looked at his friend. "You..."

Shusei came close to Hotsuma until he stood directly in front of him. "I like your presence. Really. If you want to move because of me: stay. If you want to move because you want to have more space for yourself or want to live closer to your work I won't hold you back."

"Shuusei... I..."

"Think about it. I'll take a rest." Shuusei raised his hand to caress Hotsumas cheek but decided against it and let it sink again before he retreated to his room. He hoped he had convinced Hotsuma. But as soon as his head hit his well-known pillow he was almost instantly asleep. But it was no calm, relaxing sleep. His subconsciousness battled with the fear of Hotsuma moving out. Yes, Shuusei needed his space but he had it. Especially now that Hotsuma was also away most of the day and came home around midnight. So they didn't have much of each other anyway when Shuusei left early in the morning.

So it was only two hours later when he was up again and left his room. Hotsuma was in front of the TV.

"Oh, already awake? Slept well?" Hotsuma asked.

"Could have been better..." Shuusei dropped down on the couch next to his friend.

"Hey... you still look terrible... Sure you don't want to sleep on?"

"I can't sleep anymore."

"Your caffeine pills?"

"I haven't taken one today since I want to rest."

Hotsuma seemed a bit relieved about that. "So you really want me to stay with you?" he changed the topic.

Shuusei nodded. "It's good to have someone else living here. And you're nice company."

"Then I'll stay. Perhaps an own flat would be too lonely for me. But you'll have to let me pay rent and add something to the household money."

"Of course. And we need to make a plan how we best split up the chores." Now that they both worked regularly Shuusei couldn't demand of Hotsuma to take care of everything alone. "Perhaps that's good for you as well that you don't have to do everything alone for yourself."

They were living together for a while now and although Hotsuma really managed to keep the shared rooms clean Shuusei knew his own room looked like a mess. "I'll take care of vacuuming and the windows if you want to," Shuusei winked because he also knew Hotsuma hated these tasks.

"I'd be happy if you did." Hotsuma grinned broadly and Shuusei smiled. And then he yawned again. Now that he knew his friend would stay his mind could finally come to rest.

"I'll get you some food, and then we'll take care of the plan, okay?" Hotsuma asked and Shuusei nodded. "Can I have some strong green tea to drink?"

"Of course." Hotsuma smiled. When he returned to the living room with some food and Shuusei's tea he noticed that his friend had fallen asleep on the couch.

Had it really bothered him this much that Hotsuma had wanted to move? But he was glad he could stay. He enjoyed living with Shuusei. And somehow he had the feeling his friend might need someone to take care of him during these hard times.

"Rest well," Hotsuma whispered and left the room with the phone to cancel all the appointments he had made to view flats.

"So the restaurant will stay open?" Touko asked happily the next day when they were all assembled in their practise room for a late breakfast together.

"Yes. Somehow our celebration has done much to attract new customers. Together with the interesting menu and Sairi's dad who recommended it to almost each of his clients. The piano is now freshly tuned as well, by the way."

"That's great!" Ria cheered. "Can we go there again, soon?"

Of course no one had any objections.

"And... what about Hotsuma?" Touko asked carefully. "He wanted to move if he got a job." All of them knew that Hotsuma had a good influence on their guitarist.

Shuusei shook his head. "I asked him to stay." he said.

"So you're keeping him?" Sairi asked teasingly.

"Hey, he's not my dog!" Shuusei protested.

"But he has puppy eyes. And looks at you like your loyal lap dog."

"Sairi!"

"Ahaha sorry. It's just the impression I have. And you can tolerate him living with you, so... if he's not your pet then he is what?"

Shuusei rolled his eyes. "My best friend. And it will stay this way" he said with a definite undertone before he got up and went to his guitar. He didn't want to discuss his feelings for his best friend right now.

The others seemed to accept it or they didn't want to force Shuusei to admit anything he didn't want to so they started their free day with some work on new music and playing old songs together.

But in the early evening Shuusei felt already tired and lacked concentration although he had slept in until nine o'clock.

So Sairi ended their music session by switching his keyboard off. "Shuusei, you should go home," he said.

"It's okay. I'm just still tired."

"Shuusei... Look at me!" It was Touko who demanded it and she didn't like what she saw when she noticed his glassy eyes and when she put her hand onto Shuusei's forehead she shook her head. "You're burning. You belong into your bed."

"I'm fine!" Shuusei protested again but Ria had also started to put her bass away.

"You've been pale the whole day and if you don't feel well, you need to rest!"

"Come, I'll take you home," Touko offered and Tsukumo went ahead to get some medicine for him. Of course Hotsuma was at work when Touko and Shuusei entered the flat so the girl made it her task to take care of Shuusei. He had to lie down but chose the couch to keep an eye on what happened in his flat. He knew and loved the siblings but they simply weren't Hotsuma so he needed to keep an eye on them. But the later it got the more he drifted off to sleep. The siblings stayed until Hotsuma returned so that Shuusei would not be alone.


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Hotsuma looked at the sleeping figure on the couch. He had already expected this to happen. If he was honest he had already expected Shuusei to get ill even before the release of the album. He had just pushed himself way too hard and now his body demanded a rest.

He shook his head. Of course it was too late now to call anyone. Carefully he lifted Shuusei on his arms and carried him to bed where he covered him with his blanket. At least the siblings had gotten Shuusei to already change into his pyjamas. He left the room to make fresh tea in case Shuusei woke up during the night and then he moved to the couch so that he could hear if Shuusei needed help.

He woke up once during the night when Shuusei left his room to go to the bathroom.

"You should drink some more tea," he proposed when Shuusei returned to his room and sat up again.

"And you should sleep in your own room," Shuusei said and sounded more asleep than awake.

"You're sick. So I'll take care of you!" Hotsuma yawned and got up. "Let me take your temperature."

Shuusei shook his head. "I don't want you to catch my cold."

"Idiots can't catch a cold so I think I'll be safe." Hotsuma grinned broadly in the dim lights from outside and led Shuusei back to his room.

When Shuusei had crawled back into his bed Hotsuma got the thermometer to check Shuusei's temperature. And what he saw worried him. "We'll go see your doctor first thing tomorrow morning," he decided since Shuusei's temperature was much too high. Then he took care that Shuusei drank a bit more.

"I'm fine." Shuusei said not the first time today but his voice was hoarse.

"You're what? Shuusei, you're burning. You can't go to work like this unless you want to be hospitalized because you completely break down." Hotsuma would not accept his friend ruining himself. And he already guessed he could not leave him alone like this. He'd think of something.

"Here drink!" he forced his friend to take another sip from the now cold tea.

"Hotsuma... it's not that bad."

The young man sat down on the bedside. "We'll let the doctor decide," Hotsuma said and brushed his fingers through Shuusei's hair which was drenched with sweat.

Shuusei nodded and closed his eyes. It didn't take too long until he was asleep again so Hotsuma returned to the living room and his couch.

He woke up early the next morning when Shuusei stormed out of his room and into the bathroom from where Hotsuma could hear him vomiting. Yup, they'd definitely see the doctor.

When Shuusei came back he looked even paler and Hotsuma sat up. "Do you think you can reach the doctor or shall I call someone?" he asked.

Shuusei looked at him trying to concentrate on thinking. "My sister has got a car..." he mumbled and then returned to bed. Hotsuma nodded and got up to get Shuusei a bucket so that he would not have to run to the toilet every time.

Hotsuma looked onto the clock over the door to the hallway. It was a few minutes past seven. Much too early for him but he needed to take care of Shuusei.

So he took the phone and scrolled through the entries. There were several doctors' names and he didn't know which one he should call. So before he tried anything else he looked for the entry for Shuusei's sister to call her and inform her that her brother was sick and asked her if she could come over.

Of course she immediately agreed although she sounded like she was also still very tired and also told him the name of the doctor Hotsuma had to call.

So he called the doctor and asked for an emergency appointment for Shuusei while he was in the kitchen to make new tea and a light breakfast consisting of miso soup and some white bread.

When he entered Shuusei's room with the things he noticed his friend shivering although it was warm in here. "Your sister will be here soon. And she will go to the doctor's with you." Hotsuma said quietly and put the tray down on the bedside table.

Shuusei nodded weakly. At least he had understood now that he was sick.

Hotsuma sat down next to him. "I've brought you miso soup and some bread. You need to eat a bit." At least the tea from last night was empty now.

While Shuusei ate the soup leaning on the wall behind his bed the doorbell rang and Hotsuma stood up to let Sachiko in.

"How is he? Trying to work?" the young woman asked quietly.

"Too miserable to work. Fever, shivering, vomiting... His doctor's appointment is at half past nine."

Sachiko nodded. "Poor guy. But as long as he can't move he's forced to rest... He'll get really hard to handle when he starts to feel better," Sachiko grinned and patted Hotsuma's shoulder. "When do you have to leave?"

"At eleven. I'll prepare some chicken soup for him. It's considered the non plus ultra food for sick people in Germany but I need buy some things for it." Hotsuma looked at Sachiko.

"Then go. I can take care of my dear brother as well."

Hotsuma nodded and then prepared to leave. Of course he told Shuusei before he left.

When he returned with a fresh chicken and the necessary vegetables and spices Shuusei and Sachiko had already left so Hotsuma could work quietly in the kitchen. It had been a while since he last prepared this kind of chicken soup so he took his time. Shuusei should only get the best food now that he was sick.

The soup just hat to boil a while and Hotsuma had just slumped down in the armchair and switched on the TV when he heard the siblings coming home.

"No, Shuusei. You're sick and you'll do what the doctor had said and rest. No guitar for at least three days."

"That's torture! You know I can't live without my guitar! And I feel better!" Shuusei protested voice croaking.

"Shuusei... you're still burning hot and sound like a toad so no! Go back to bed." Sachiko scolded her brother.

"Or at least the couch, but please lie down!" Hotsuma added and put a fresh cup of tea for Shuusei onto the coffee table.

"I'm fine!" Shuusei protested again but his body betrayed him when he had to take a hold on the dining table to keep his balance.

"Shuusei. I can ask Hotsuma-kun to put you into your bed. He looks strong enough to carry you. Or you lie down by choice." Sachiko said sternly. She already knew her brother well enough. And when Hotsuma stepped next to her to emphasize her demand he went to the couch and laid down turning towards the backrest. He really felt good enough to play half an hour... he didn't want more... Hotsuma sighed and gently brushed his fingers through the pouting young man's hair and put a blanket over his body.

"What did the doctor say?" he asked calmly.

"He's caught the flu and has to rest at least a week. He needs much to drink, much rest, no baths the usual. I'll just go get his medication now. Can you tell his band on your way to work? Here's the medical certificate." Sachiko handed him a piece of paper after he had nodded "I guess they need to postpone some concerts..."

"I can play them!" came Shuusei's muffled voice from the couch.

"You can't even walk straight, so how will you survive a whole evening standing on a stage with hot spotlights pointing at you? Stop acting like a child Usui Shuusei! I'll be back soon."

Sachiko turned around mumbling something both men couldn't understand and left the flat again. "I'll take your keys with me, Shuusei," she called before they could hear the door close.

"I don't want to be sick..." Shuusei complained.

"I know. But you'll be better soon if you rest well. And if you want to, you can take a bath tonight when I come home. In Germany it's considered helpful when you're sick."

"Really? I thought it'd be too hot?"

"They use several bath essences for every possible case. I'll see if I can get something similar on my way to work. And I've prepared you a chicken soup which is also supposed to help when you're sick. And it's delicious!"

"Everything you cook is delicious," Shuusei said and turned around again and Hotsuma offered him his tea.

Shortly after Sachiko had returned from the pharmacy Hotsuma had to leave, because his way to work would be longer today. At first he went to the band's practise room where he found everyone including Kase.

Hotsuma took a breath to keep calm. He really couldn't stand that person.

"What are you doing here?" Kase asked when he had noticed him. "And where's Usui?"

"Down with the flu. For at least a week." Hotsuma handed the man the piece of paper from the doctor.

"He's not serious!? He has concerts to play!"

"Wow the first time I hear you two being the same opinion." Hotsuma said sarcastically.

"So, if he thinks he can play he should," Kase retorted.

"And he'll collapse on stage. Forget it. He will stay at home until he's well again. I guess you need to cancel the concerts or postpone them."

Kase stared at Hotsuma than at the piece of paper in his hand. Then he sighed and proved some sense for once. "Okay. Will it only be that one week?" he asked and seemed to try his best to stay calm.

"I don't know. He has fever, heavy shivering this morning and he sounds like a talking crow."

"Okay... Then I'll see what I can do with the concerts for the next two weeks. I hope he gets well soon." Kase said and left the room.

"Wow... This is the first time he has tried to show some sympathy for Shuusei..." Touko sighed.

"Well he can't do anything as long as he's ill, can he?" Tsukumo asked. "He can't force him to appear on stage while he clearly is unable to."

Hotsuma nodded.

"If you need some help with taking care of him, ask us. He's terrible when he's sick." Touko said.

"I know... He wanted to play his guitar when he came home from the doc, but he had forbidden him to play for the next three days."

"He seems to know Shuu-kun well enough as well," Ria grinned.

Hotsuma nodded. "I've asked his sister for help and we'll see how it works out. Perhaps their mother will help as well, but if everything fails I'll call you. If I could have your numbers... They're safe with me."

"Of course. We trust you." So soon Hotsuma had four new numbers saved in his phone and left the band to see if he could find some bathing essence in this country and then finally leave for work.

Taking care of Shuusei was really demanding. Thank god Fujita-san understood the situation and let him go as early as possible the whole time to look after his sick friend. Despite his worries Hotsuma was a bit happy to not having to deal with Shuusei the whole day. As soon as he started to feel slightly better he wanted to play his guitar or at least write new music but Sachiko and their mother strictly controlled the time Shuusei was allowed to spend with work related stuff. And Hotsuma had to look out for Shuusei as well so that he didn't work in the dead of night when he assumed Hotsuma to be deeply asleep.

But this time also brought them closer together. Somehow being sick led too long deep talks when Hotsuma had returned from work and Shuusei was too awake from resting the whole day. So they spend many hours together talking about the world, Hotsuma's experiences overseas, his parents, and also about Shuusei's anxiety so that when Shuusei was slowly recovering both of them could say they knew more of each other than everyone else. And they both knew they would always support each other.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

It took a bit over two weeks until Shuusei was well again. And everyone was more than happy that he was back. Hotsuma asked for another day off as soon as Shuusei knew when he was allowed to work again because now he needed a day to relax and come down from babysitting his best friend.

Shuusei in the mean time was more than happy to being able to work again and being productive. And they had to play concerts. Already planned and the ones they had to cancel so he was busy right away.

"Hotsuma wants to redecorate the restaurant." Shuusei said one afternoon a few months later when the band was sitting together just playing for the fun of it. After the concerts they've taken it slow so that no one else got sick. And besides having played concerts the previous four nights it was in the middle of summer and the air outside hot and humid. There was not much energy left today.

"Oh... But he has to keep the piano!" Ria insisted. "Or I'll never go there again!"

Touko chuckled. Everyone here knew the girl loved Hotsuma and his food way too much to really stay away from him.

"The piano will stay. But he asks whether we'd be willing to help him. Business goes well at the moment and they earned a bit of money but he wants to ask friends to help nevertheless and not pay anyone for every small task. And Fujita-san wants it to be done quickly so that she doesn't have to close the restaurant for longer than necessary."

"Sounds great. If it fits into our schedule I'm in!" Ria said

"Hard work with the hands?" Sairi asked. He was only used to his workout routine and not to renovating a restaurant.

"You don't have to if you feel too posh for it." Touko stick her tongue out to him. "I'll help"

"I didn't say I don't want to. It's something different. But don't expect me to be too skilled." Sairi said.

"You can take care that everything looks good in the end," Tsukumo proposed and then turned to Shuusei "Will there be food?" he asked.

"I guess Hotsuma will make sure you don't starve," Shuusei winked.

"Then I'm in, too. It sounds fun!"

"What sounds fun?" Kase asked who had just entered the room. Of course... the fun killer would want a word in this as well.

"Private matters." Sairi said coolly.

"I hope nothing that could endanger your ability to play music." Kase said sternly and sat down to talk through the next days with the band. There would be model jobs for Tsukumo and Ria and rehearsals for a new stage play for Touko and Sairi. And what are you planning to do Usui?"

"Music. What else?" Shuusei asked.

"You could join Murasame-kun and Otona-san."

"Or I could make music. Or don't you want to release a new single this autumn?"

"Usui... I guess you could do that while joining your friends."

Shuusei sighed and closed his eyes for a second. They had been through this so often.

"Don't you think they feel treated unfairly if they go modelling or acting and you sit here having a nice day?"

"I doubt Shuusei's slacking off." Touko protested. "He's working just as hard."

"Then why haven't I seen a draft for a new song in the last month?"

Shuusei tried his best not to roll his eyes. "Because you can't force ideas good enough to be worked with out of a person." That person managed music groups; he should know how the creative work is done.

"I guess you should pull yourself together more, Usui. You can't only do the stuff you like."

"Kase-san. Leave him be," Sairi demanded. "You won't get a new song if you pressure him. And as long as we are supposed different things we can't support him in that task. New music doesn't write itself."

"Then you should perhaps think about leaving that part to others. People who know what the people out there want to hear so you can gain more fans? I think that's something all of you might want, right?"

"Forget it!" Ria stated very clearly. "We will stay true to our roots of making it by ourselves. I don't want to play music that can be replaced with everything else on the radio."

"What?" Kase asked sternly.

"Really... Have you once tried to listen to what most of today's music is? Almost every single group sounds almost the same. Everything is the same happy-go-lucky stuff that everyone can listen to. I want to make a change. I want to sound different, and if it attracts not as many people than it's like that. It attracts more than enough people to fill large halls. So no, you won't rob us of our jobs. I'll decline the model jobs and help Shuu-kun with the new single."

"Ria... You don't have to," Shuusei protested.

"I am a musician myself. So, Shuu-kun, my main job is making music and I will do that for the next at least two weeks. I'm not too fond of modelling either."

"Then I'll quit, too." Tsukumo stated. "We need another phase of group creativity. The labels will find other faces to drape their clothes on."

Sairi and Touko looked at each other and nodded.

"Not you two as well?" Kase almost begged.

"Yes, they shall cast someone else. We'll take two weeks off from anything not related to our music. No model jobs, no acting, no interviews, no fan events. Just us five sitting in this room and working on new music!" Sairi explained.

"You can't do it. You have contracts to fulfil."

"Those contracts are for musicians. And we don't want our music to suffer. And as Ria had already said, we will not let anyone else make our music."

At the end of that discussion Kase had left the room in a very foul mood. But he couldn't win against five stubborn artists.

"That..." Shuusei started but was immediately interrupted by Tsukumo:

"That was not necessary we know, but he can't force you to anything. And to be honest, I really want to spend some time again with nothing but music. You're not the only one in this room who lives for it. So don't you dare to feel bad for us. We all want to make music and sometimes we need to tell our manager clearly."

"He's right." Touko added. "Kase-san can't order us around as he wishes. We are not a group of teenage girls. And if he goes to Takashiro-sama, I don't care. And also, Shuusei... you are not worth less than us just because you only want to concentrate on our music. We know you're great in what you do and you are a very important part of our group!" She stood up and went to cuddle Shuusei who closed his eyes and let it happen. It felt good that his friends liked him the way he was. Although he himself got more and more the feeling that all he did was not enough. Even if he ignored Kase's pressure.

"Buut if we're free now for the next two weeks, we can definitely spend a few days helping Hotsu-kun with the restaurant!" Ria said happily. "He just has to tell us when he needs us!"

"Kase will probably kill us if he finds out!" Tsukumo said thoughtfully.

"Do you mind?" Touko asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nope. I just wanted to say it so that it was said. Let's call Hotsuma and tell him he can count on us!"

So during the following week the restaurant closed for three days due to Hotsuma's plans to redecorate it.

And as they had planned the five Shadow Warriors appeared the first of the three days at 8 o'clock with enough breakfast for everyone. Hotsuma had told Shuusei how many helping hands he expected - Fujita-san had asked her two children and a few friends as well - so that they would be prepared to tackle the task.

When they arrived everything became a bit chaotic - who expected a not unknown rock band to help after all, but the breakfast quickly calmed everyone down and soon everyone had helped to push all the tables together so that they could eat and get to know each other, and noticed that the stars were also just humans.

"Soo, now that your stomachs are full, we can plan everything," Fujita-san gathered everyone's attention. "I have asked several guests what they'd think about a redecoration and most of them liked the idea. So we want this place to become more modern. Our menu is now a mix of Japanese and European dishes so we, that's Hotsuma-kun and me, thought we should express that in here as well. So from the outside we'll keep the Japanese facade, but we want this room to get a European touch."

"Will you wear a dirndl then, Kaa-san?" A man in his late thirties asked who had introduced himself as Fujita Gorou.

"No, I will not."

"There will be no dirndls and lederhosen in this restaurant as long as I work here," Hotsuma protested. "You don't expect every Japanese person to wear Ryusou, right?"

"Wouldn't you rather say Kimono? Ryusou is just limited to Okinawa and not everyone wears it. And Okinawa is... a bit special."

"Same is with dirndls and Germany. I've lived in the northern part of the country and many people there look at Bavaria, where the dirndl originates the same way as you do at Okinawa. Only a small part of the Germans wear it and only to special occasions. I've been to Munich once and I've literally seen not a single dirndl in the streets"

"Oh..."

"So there is no need to wear anything Bavarian here." Hotsuma closed that topic and, together with Fujita-san explained how he had imagined the room to look like.

"Okay, then we could perhaps get rid of the piano? It's not used anyway?" a friend of Fujita-san proposed. "It would not fit in here if the room gets painted in brighter colours."

"The piano stays," Ria said and looked at the woman.

"I have asked the person who tuned it last time. He would come over to give it in a fitting colour which would not influence the sound. I want it to stay here as well. I think of organizing musical events once or twice a month and when my dear friends over there" – she pointed at the band - "come around they like to use the instrument as well."

Soon after everyone was appointed with tasks and started to work to give the formerly dim room a light and modern flare.

Shuusei and Ria painted the walls, the siblings took care of the ceiling Fujita san's children went to organize new tables and chairs and Sairi took Hotsuma and went shopping for new decoration, because he knew better what kind of decoration would suit the European image.

They went to different stores and Sairi paid for everything they bought.

"You don't need to pay everything. The restaurant is not so bad off that we can't afford this ourselves!" Hotsuma protested after the third store.

"I know. You wouldn't redecorate everything if you couldn't afford it. But I'm still better off and I want to pay." Sairi grinned arrogantly. "You do a good job with your restaurant and I want you to survive for many more years."

"But..."

"No buts." Sairi ignored Hotsuma's protests and entered the next store where they looked around.

"Your English influence needs this!" he pointed at a figure of a waving Queen Elisabeth.

"I want to attract customers not repel them with terrible kitsch. This is forbidden as much as dirndls!" Hotsuma looked angrily at Sairi until the tall man started to laugh.

"I was just kidding. That wouldn't fit into it."

"Asshole..." Hotsuma muttered and felt how Sairi slapped his back in a friendly manner.

"Sorry. This is my way to show people I like them."

"Doesn't change the fact that you can be an asshole." Hotsuma grinned at Sairi and both men continued their shopping in a very good mood.

Originally I planned to end this fanfiction today... but let's agree this would be a terrible ending, so we'll continue until it has found a proper end. Have fun!


	17. Chapter 16

Ufff Finally done with the chapter… sorry it's so late.

I don't know if I'll be able to deliver a chapter on Friday since a friend comes to visit until of course I'll try my best!

Chapter 16

As Tsukumo had prophesied Kase was furious when he learned the band had helped renovating a restaurant instead of working on their music. What if anyone had fallen off a ladder? What if anyone had got hurt? They were artists as they so often emphasized. So they had to avoid any dangers!

The band listened to him tried to look as guiltily as they could and then handed him a USB-stick with four different drafts for new songs: The creative output of the last two weeks. Really, Kase should not be so harsh. They did their work, right? They had been as creative as they hadn't been in a long time. When they all worked together the results were the best.

But well, the following months Kase didn't skip a chance to remind Shuusei of his supposed insufficiency. Shuusei did his best to resist and to remind Kase on every written word of his contract. He was not supposed to do model jobs. But the longer it went the worse Shuusei felt. Was it really not enough what he did? Perhaps Kase was right. He was not as creative as he used to be. He used to find inspiration in about everything around him. The way the sun shone through the leaves of a tree or the glistening of sunlight on a river, the cherry blossoms and autumn leaves; the way children played with their dogs when he took a walk through a park, the way people busily hasted through overcrowded shopping streets or just watching cars driving through drizzling rain. But when he looked around now he almost felt nothing. No inspiration for a new melody or words which could possibly become part of a new song text. It was like he had become blind for the beauty of his surroundings which had always inspired him. He was much too occupied with the thoughts of how he could best overcome his own insufficiency.

He tried not to let the others notice, but they all worried about him, told him he should take some days off to get a better view for the things, and they had tried to arbitrate between Kase and Shuusei. They knew Shuusei for almost ten years now and they had barely seen him this imbalanced. And if they were honest - not that they would say anything to Shuusei - it had a negative impact on the band and their creative work as well.

Even when they got Shuusei convinced to take a few days off the thoughts followed him. And he even felt worse because now he was really slacking off. Or at least he felt like slacking off. Hotsuma took two days off during that time and dragged Shuusei out of Tokyo just to distance him from his job, but even that helped just for a very limited time. As soon as he had to deal with his manager again he started to feel worse once more. He had been able to work a bit on this very short holiday trip but that would not be enough in the future and he again started to feel more and more exhausted.

So one very cloudy, very chilly mid-December evening, Hotsuma was still at work, Shuusei was on his laptop and looked for better ways to stay productive besides the caffeine pills he now took for quite a time. He had spent now two hours on research and it was only when he suddenly realized that he was just looking up how to get his hands on illegal drugs and had opened a dubious online pharmacy that he clapped his laptop shut and stared into the void.

He had never wanted to sink this low and he was shocked about how close he had been to order some Methylphenidate or similar stuff in a barely legal way. Nervously he brushed his fingers through his hair. He couldn't go on like this, right? It was late but nevertheless he got the phone and scrolled through the entries until he found the one for is former psychologist who had helped him during the time the band got really famous - a fact he had to learn to deal with at that time. He really needed help if he wanted to get through this without getting insane or giving in to the temptation of doing something illegal.

Thankfully he reached the therapist soon and could ask for help before his panic of his almost-deed had vanished and he could make a new appointment.

He was deeply in thought and playing on his guitar when Hotsuma came home that night so the blond noticed that something was really amiss with his friend. But he didn't know whether he should talk to him or not. Shuusei didn't even seem to notice him, and Hotsuma hated to see his friend like this. But he decided to leave Shuusei alone for the moment and sat down at the laptop.

Confusedly Shuusei looked up when he noticed someone standing directly in front of him.

"Hotsuma?" He asked inquiring what led his friend to this stern expression.

"Have you ordered it?" Hotsuma asked sternly and Shuusei looked at him. It took a few seconds until he understood. The laptop on the table was open and Shuusei remembered that he hadn't touched it so as soon as Hotsuma had opened it he must have seen the online pharmacy.

"No. I haven't." he replied. "But I was too close..." Shuusei put the guitar aside and buried his face in his hands.

Hotsuma sat down next to him. "But you wanted to?" he asked. He wanted, no needed to make sure Shuusei was okay and not on his way into something he could not get out of.

"It seemed only logical at first... If the caffeine is too weak to keep me productive I'll need something stronger... I realized what I was doing before I hit the 'submit order' button. I promise! I did not order it!" Shuusei looked at his friend eyes begging him to believe his words.

Hotsuma nodded and put a hand on Shuusei's shoulder. "What can I do to help you? I can't just watch how you're ruining yourself." he asked quietly.

"I don't know... I've called my therapist to ask for help... I have an appointment on Friday morning..."

"That's... good." Hotsuma smiled a bit. He was relieved that Shuusei knew that he had hit a low point. Although he felt sad that it had come to this.

He didn't think much about it but out of an instinct he had pulled Shuusei into a tight embrace. "I swear I'm here for you. If anything worries you I will listen to you. And I will help you as good as I can." he said. It wasn't much but he needed to take care of his friend right now. He felt that Shuusei returned the embrace and it felt like he was holding onto a life line which kept him from drowning. And he was glad that Shuusei allowed him to be this close to him.

The next morning Shuusei found a box in the fridge with a post it note on it: "For Shuusei."

He took it out and opened it, just to find a beautifully arranged bento. He smiled weakly. But he was touched. This was a new way for Hotsuma to show him how much he cared for him. It had been late at night when Shuusei had finally found the strength to go to bed. He didn't know how long he had been there in Hotsuma's arms, but it had been a long time until he had felt calm enough again to let go of his friend. They had then sat by each other's side and Shuusei had just let it all out all that had dragged him down lately, all the hurtful sentences from Kase which had destroyed his self esteem bit by bit. And Hotsuma had just listened. He couldn't do much but listening alone had helped Shuusei.

And now he found this piece of care and love in form of his lunch. He didn't want to know how long Hotsuma had been awake for this.

And so Shuusei in turn tried to prepare a special breakfast for Hotsuma: A classic Japanese breakfast with rice and miso soup and fish and pickled vegetables. He simply wanted to say thank you. Then he took care of their laundry before he left to work. He dreaded meeting Kase but perhaps he would stay away today.

A week passed and every morning Shuusei found a new bento box in the fridge. And every morning he tried his best to prepare his still sleeping friend an equally nice breakfast although it was a fact that Hotsuma was more skilled in the kitchen. But he didn't know another way to thank him for his extra work besides preparing the best breakfasts he could and doing a small part of the chores assigned to Hotsuma.

On Friday morning he had his first appointment with his therapist which went as well as it could be. And they decided to continue on a weekly schedule. Shuusei didn't feel great afterwards but he knew it would help him in the future. So he appeared at work and put his bento into their freezer.

"Again?" Ria asked curiously and Shuusei nodded.

"Shuusei? Are you alright?" Touko asked clearly worried. "You seem a bit distracted lately..."

Shuusei sighed and sat down. "No... not really." He hadn't told his friends about his nearly slip-up yet. But he should not keep it a secret. So he told them and that he had asked for help and would be late every Friday from now on unless they were away for concerts.

"But you really didn't order it?" Sairi asked sternly.

"I didn't. Really."

"Can you swear it?"

Shuusei didn't want it to become much of a topic but he could understand Sairi who had lost an uncle to drug abuse five years ago.

"I swear by my guitars that I didn't order the stuff." And everyone knew Shuusei's instruments were his dearest possessions. "Sairi... I don't want to end in a severe addiction as well."

Sairi looked at his friend and then put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay. If anything happens you can talk to us as well. We are here for you. You listen to our worries as well on a daily basis. We are friends." The tall man said and Shuusei nodded.

"I know. Thank you." Shuusei smiled weakly but honestly.

"Good." Sairi fell silent for a few seconds. "So your bentos..."

"I found the first the morning after that night." Shuusei admitted.

"Haaah, this must be love!" Ria sighed, but Shuusei just shrugged.

"Really Shuusei, why don't you tell him you love him?" Touko proposed "You can't deny you do. We know you long enough. There's no need for Kase to find out."

Shuusei sighed. "I'm not supposed to have a relationship as we all are," he reminded his friends.

"And? As I said no one needs to know."

Shuusei shook his head. "Touko... I can't..."

"Why? We won't tell anyone right?" She looked at the others who nodded.

"Or just start an affair? No one needs to know you're serious," Ria proposed.

"I will not play with my best friend!" Shuusei exclaimed. That was out of question. "Besides... I can't force Kase to obey every single word of my contract while I myself bend them as I wish. You know what he'd do if he found out."

A silence fell over the room.

"I can't tell Hotsuma as long as the contract stays as it is or Kase is our manager," Shuusei added.

The others nodded slowly. They wanted to help their friend but it was hardly possible besides keeping the manager off Shuusei's heels.


	18. Chapter 17

Neeext chapter! I did it in time. I just don't know yet if I'll manage to finish Sunday's chapter in time since my friend will stay until tomorrow evening and I'll go visit my parents on Sunday soooo ther isn't too much time to write.

Chapter 17

"Usui. How long is that going to take?" Kase sternly held up the piece of paper in his hands. It was another Friday and Shuusei had again been late due to his therapy session so the manager had asked him for a word.

"As long as it needs to," was the short answer. Really... What was that guy thinking? That you go there once, get a few nice tips and be able to go on with your life as you used to?

"You can't be late every fucking Friday. Or I'll have to let you work overtime."

"Overtime? You mean I should spend 13 hours here instead of the usual ten to twelve while my contract says something about 40 hours a week?" He asked ironically. Kase didn't like him, so he had stopped being too polite with him. "When I look at my overtime hours I guess I can safely have one day a week where I only work eight hours to take care of my health."

"This paper here says your appointment was until 9, so you could have been here much earlier."

Shuusei brushed his hand through his hair. How could a person lack so much empathy? Or should he be envious that the man in front of him didn't know anything about all that shit that was dragging him down so much?

"Be glad you don't know how exhausting it is to work on your mental state. I needed to take a walk afterwards."

"If you just did what I tell you, go out, socialize, you'd get used to it and it wouldn't even be a problem for you!"

"If you hit a nail into your arm, just push it in deeper so you get used to the pain and it wouldn't be a problem for you." Tsukumo, who just returned from a small photo shooting, stated loud enough for Kase to hear and casually chewed on some marshmallow-like stuff.

"You can't compare physical to mental health, Murasame-kun," Kase growled.

"Hey, pull yourself together, and then your broken leg should not be a hindrance!"

"That's ridiculous."

"Or what about: Have you tried... like... not having cancer? Just saying you should think about why your words could be hurtful. Shuusei, are you coming, we have something to talk about."

Shuusei nodded. "I'll be right there."

Then Tsukumo left them alone and vanished into the practise room.

"What was that?" Kase asked agitated.

"The truth. You should really try to see mental health problems the same way as physical health problems and stop assuming direct confrontation always helps. Have a nice lunch break, the others want to talk to me." Shuusei bowed and then turned around to enter the practise room, where his friends were now all assembled.

"Did he say more?" Tsukumo asked and Shuusei shook his head, put today's bento into the fridge and sat down. He wasn't hungry anymore.

"No. I didn't let him," he replied.

"Good. I've asked Takashiro-sama for a talk, together with Kase-san. We all can't go on like this. Not us and for Kase-san it's hard as well." It was a fact and everyone knew it. "They will soon start discussing the next contracts and everyone should be interested in a good collaboration between us and our manager."

"That's a good idea. Perhaps when Takashiro-sama is around and we openly discuss our problems it will finally get better." Touko mused. "Everyone's problems."

"As long as Kase-san accepts our point of view and does not brush it away like he usually does..." Ria sighed. "I'm not against it, but... I don't have high hopes... We have tried to talk to him so often..."

"And that's why Takashiro-sama will be present," Tsukumo explained. "Even if he will not be interested in our personal wellbeing he will be interested in our success as a band and that's why he will listen."

"I see." Sairi nodded. "When will we talk to them?"

"Right after our next concert block."

"That's going to be exhausting," Ria whined. "Twenty concerts in twenty days... in every big city of the country... No free time... Moving to the next city, sound check, concert, some fan event, sleeping and off to the next city..."

"Just be glad, dearest Ria-chan, that we have people to manage the stage setup and take care of our instruments." Sairi reminded her and pinched her side before he got up to get something to drink.

"Yieks! Sairi! You ass!" Ria jumped at him to tackle him with all her weight but failed spectacularly. Sairi barely stumbled when the girl who was more than a head's length smaller than him hit him. He just laughed and shortly cuddled his best friend who continued to complain about his behaviour.

Shuusei and the siblings watched the scene grinning but didn't interfere. It was good that they sometimes still got to laugh and make fun with each other.

Nevertheless Shuusei sighed inwardly. He was not happy about having to play every evening for almost three weeks. Yes he loved playing on stage but it was so terribly exhausting. Yes they'd only stay in Japan and they had two nights in Tokyo after two weeks so they could sleep at home at least once but nevertheless... it was too much.

But the planned meeting with Kase and Takashiro didn't happen as planned.

The next two weeks were preparation for their "Twenty days, twenty concerts" tour. Everything needed to be exactly planned out with everyone not that the band would play in Nagasaki but the instruments accidentally went to Sapporo.

At least in that part of his job Kase seemed to be a genius and he really had full control about everything from hotels to the crew and the band. And they didn't have too much to complain about their manager in the aspect of the tour besides the density of concerts, but that was out of topic.

So when the time came Shuusei felt a bit heavy around the heart. He knew he would miss the calm evenings (or early nights – he was earlier at home than his friend after all) with Hotsuma and also his bentos in the mornings. But he promised to stay strong and of course they would write and call each other regularly.

And Hotsuma would come to the two concerts in Tokyo. He really looked forward to it. It had been almost a year now that he had attended a concert because of work but now he managed to get two evenings off and was glad he had the right connections to get his hands on tickets which were sold out almost the moment they were released.

It was the first of the two concerts. Shuusei had been trying to sleep a bit after they reached the location where they would play. He felt so terribly exhausted after 14 concerts. Last night one fan even asked him if he was all right. He brushed it off, of course, but he needed to rest. But it wasn't only him, everyone sat around too exhausted to talk much.

They only got active again when they had to get ready for the concert.

"Have you seen Hotsuma's selfie?" Sairi suddenly asked the other two boys while they were changing. The girls had a different room.

Shuusei and Hotsuma took their phones and found a picture of a happily grinning Hotsuma in front of the building on the screen. He had sent it about ten minutes before.

"Guuuys! We need to take a selfie!" Ria barged into the guys' room already in her stage dress but not ready with her makeup and without knocking on the door.

"Ria! What if one of us was naked?" Sairi scolded.

"Then we'd be late on stage," the young woman grinned. It was a simple fact. They didn't have too much time left. Touko also entered the room so that they could take a picture and send it to Hotsuma as a response.

The concert began great. The audience was pumped, Shuusei had even found Hotsuma's blonde hair in the large crowd. Everyone was in a good mood. The last song before the break was the song sung by Shuusei. As usual it was a calm ballade and the audience fell completely silent. Shuusei's voice floated through the hall like a calming blanket and no one seemed to be able to ignore the calm strength in the music.

It seemed almost surreal in that atmosphere when Shuusei slid off the chair he had been sitting on for this song barely conscious.

It took a few seconds until the first people realized that Shuusei had broken down right on stage. Immediately his friends were by his side to help him up and get him off stage. Kase called an ambulance and the security had to take care of the audience.

Only Sairi waited at the side of the stage until a certain blond young man had fought his way to the stage so he could grant Hotsuma access to the backstage area and they hurried to the guy's dressing room.

"Shuusei!?" Hotsuma was at Shuusei's side as soon as he had entered the room. Shuusei lay on the couch, unconscious, covered with a woollen blanket but breathing.

"It was too much for him..." Ria sighed. "We should have noticed... I'm sorry Hotsu-kun! We should have taken better care of him and cancel today's concert!" She was nearly crying. "I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay. I guess he didn't even want you to know how exhausted he was... is... He's a stubborn idiot who does not want to disappoint anyone." Hotsuma had taken Shuusei's cold hand and tried to warm it up.

Soon the ambulance arrived and Shuusei was brought to the next hospital. Hotsuma, Kase and the band followed with a taxi. Kase had taken care of informing Shuusei's family as well and would now stay with the others to get information about how long Shuusei would need to stay in hospital.


	19. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"You're not serious." Sairi stared at Shuusei taken completely by surprise.

"I'm sorry. Really. But I cannot go on like this." Shuusei looked at the blanket of his hospital bed. "And I can't force you to adjust to me... I can't expect you to always defend me, to always have to deal with my insufficiencies. I guess I'm just not made for the big stage. This stress is just... too much." He felt like crying now that he admitted this.

"This is ridiculous! You're one of us! Of course we defend you, we fight for you. And now you want to betray us and throw everything away? I thought we were friends and would always stick together, no matter how hard it becomes!" Sairi turned around and stormed out of the hospital room Shuusei lay in for a whole week now.

Shuusei sighed and now really felt tears burning in his eyes. He had feared Sairi wouldn't take his announcement well. But he had had so much time thinking about his life now and he had come to a decision.

"And you? Do you also think I'm a traitor?" he asked the remaining three members of the band.

"No. But are you sure, Shuusei?" Touko asked quietly. "You know... we can talk to Kase and Takashiro-sama... that they really should change your conditions. You don't have to quit."

Shuusei shook his head. "And then Kase goes on making me feel bad about me always sitting in our room and I can't concentrate on my job. I know that everything I deliver right now is just crap... I'm just not content with the music I write and it's... like I've lost my inspiration. And I won't get it back if I continue like I had before when I return. I can't go on working with Kase."

"I see. But what will you do then? If you really quit playing with us?" Touko asked quietly and sat down at the edge of his bed to take his slightly shaking hand. "I can't imagine you living without music."

"I don't know, yet. I... only know I don't want to destroy everything we have achieved until now." Shuusei sighed deeply. "I wanted to discuss it with all of you." He looked at the door through which Sairi had just vanished.

"Don't worry, Shuusei" Ria said calmly. "He just needs to digest this news. In the end he will understand and I guess. He knows how hard it has been for you."

Shuusei nodded sadly. "If possible I still want to work with you in the future. If I can get back my inspiration that is... But I don't want to stand on the stage for the next three years or so under the current conditions."

"That's good to hear," Touko smiled.

"And you will get your inspiration back. Really. I promise," Tsukumo added. "I believe you never lost it. It's just hidden to not get damaged under all that pressure we all feel with this person who calls himself our manager."

This was the first time Shuusei really heard Tsukumo use bad words against anyone. "Thanks... I just hope, you're right"

"I am right, believe me." Tsukumo smiled at Shuusei.

Shuusei had to stay in hospital a few more days until the doctors let him go home. He had to see a psychiatrist, but thankfully he just needed to rest if he continued with his therapy. He wasn't allowed to work the next month, but he should take walks and go out.

Of course Hotsuma came to visit him every day and his sister also came by quite often, sometimes together with their mother, but his father only visited him once.

The day he was allowed to go home Hotsuma and Sachiko came to pick him up and somehow he was glad to be home again, although he was not allowed to return to work, yet. And when he entered the flat he not only noticed that it smelt clean but the windows were spotless as well.

"Thank you," he smiled towards his friend.

"You need to rest and get better. And... I thought you might appreciate it" Hotsuma grinned sheepishly.

Shuusei's expression got gentle. "I do. Really!"

"And you're serious about quitting your job?" Sachiko asked concernedly and effectively destroyed the tension between the two young men. "You loved it so much."

"I think I am. I'll wait for the meeting with Takashiro-sama and Kase-san next week until I make my final decision, but I know I can't continue like this. And I need a holiday. A very long holiday."

"But I hope you shall return!" Sachiko dunned him.

"I mean to." Shuusei grinned.

The next day Shuusei came home from a walk just to find Sairi entering the building where he lived. He raised an eyebrow.

"Hey", he greeted his friend but seemed a bit insecure. The last time they met had been the day he had told his friends that he would quit if nothing changed.

"Shuusei. Can we talk?" Sairi asked equally insecure.

"Of course." Shuusei emptied his letter box and then called the elevator for them. The ride was silent and felt awkward so both of them were happy when they entered Shuusei's flat. Hotsuma had already left for work.

"Do you want something to drink?" Shuusei asked politely.

"Later perhaps. Shuusei... I'm sorry." Sairi bowed deeply. I shouldn't have called you a traitor when all you do is take care of yourself. I know how much you struggle to keep going. I... I just did you wrong... I'm sorry."

Shuusei nodded. "It's fine," he said and smiled. "I had expected you to react like this. I know how much the band means to you..."

"But my friends should be more important. That's why I'm sorry."

"As I said it's really okay. Tea?" Shuusei asked again. He was glad that Sairi did apologize to him and so he felt more at ease again.

"Yes please." Shuusei went to the kitchen and Sairi followed.

"Do you think you can come over tomorrow so we can perhaps talk about how we could go on? If we go on?" Sairi asked carefully.

"I'll be there." Shuusei promised. "And I want you to go on. Even without me. I don't know if the others already told you: If possible I want to go on working with you, just not on stage."

Sairi looked at Shuusei surprised but then he laughed.

"Well I think we have to discuss that. You know, we make our music ourselves and don't want any external people do that job."

"I know. But perhaps we can discuss it tomorrow?" Shuusei asked. "When everyone's around."

Sairi nodded. "But really I'd be happy if you could continue helping us with the creative work, buddy. We are a team no matter what's going to happen to your spot."

Shuusei smiled and handed his friend a cup of tea.

"So tell me, how are you feeling? Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"I'm okay. I'm getting better I think. At least I start to hear the music in the world again. Although it's still faint."

"That's good, I guess?"

Shuusei nodded.

"Good, but stay at home as long as you need to. Don't force yourself. Even if Kase tells you otherwise: Your health is more important than his profit!"

Sairi stayed another hour where they talked and laughed and showed each other again that they really valued their friendship.

The next morning Shuusei appeared at the practise room at about eleven o'clock. He had been out for a walk in the early morning and then urged Hotsuma to make some cookies after his dear flatmate had fallen out of his bed.

"Good Morning," he greeted his friends who were sitting together, not working for other jobs for once.

"Shuusei!" Ria squealed and jumped up to hug him tightly. And Touko couldn't resist hugging him as well and even Tsukumo looked happy to see him

"How are you?" he asked quietly when he got up to prepare some green tea for him.

"Quite okay, I guess. At least for now I feel better. Let's see how long it lasts. Here, I brought you something. With best regards from my flatmate." He presented a box with the freshly baked cookies.

Of course Tsukumo got instantly curious and took one of the cookies to try it. "Hmm I don't think they'll survive the day! Tell Hotsuma a big thank you!

"It's been a while since Hotsu-kun had last baked us something!" Ria cheered.

A few minutes later everyone had something to drink and took a cookie from time to time and discussed their future.

When Kase entered the room an hour later he fond five musicians sitting together and playing some songs together. "Oh back to work? Good, good" he said, but Shuusei shook his head.

"I'm just visiting. I'm still on sick's leave," he explained and put his guitar aside.

"You don't look sick if you can sit here and play music. If you're sick you should stay at home."

Shuusei rolled his eyes. "Different diseases need different treatments and my treatment is going out, taking walks and if I like to also playing music with people I hold dear."

"I don't call it sick then but able to work."

"I don't think you want me to collapse again in a few weeks. You may ask my doctor." With these words he got up, took his things and said goodbye to his friends.

Takashiro looked at the five musicians and their manager and took a deep breath. "So... you want to look for a new guitarist and Usui-san wants to work as your composer and songwriter?" he asked. He had just declined to give them a new manager as they had asked for. Even Kase was not too opposed to that idea for the future; at least if he got another band he could manage. He'd prefer working with them if the alternative was looking for a new job.

Kase looked at him and Shuusei didn't know whether he was surprised or glad that he chose to take that step.

Shuusei nodded. "After I collapsed I noticed I can't go on like this. Especially now that you just said, you'd expect me to take other jobs in the future and want to change the contract in that direction. I value my health too much and don't want to break down on a regular basis."

Takashiro nodded thoughtfully. "We can still scratch these parts out again if your health forbids it. We are here to discuss your wishes and if you really think you can't to other things I will respect your wish. Will you consider staying then?"

Shuusei thought about it for about a minute and looked at Kase and then at his friends. "Not with Kase-san as our manager. I'm sorry, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, Kase-san, but I just think we are not meant to work together."

"It's okay, Usui-kun. I guess you're right."

Takashiro looked at everyone. "Okay. I think I can't change your decision. But I can't guarantee that I can give you the job you hope for Usui-san. Even I am on a budget. But of course you can apply for it. I will see what I can do for you, but the 'Shadow Warriors' insist on making their own music. So I don't know if I can convince the HR to accept you in a job that didn't previously exist."

The four remaining members of the band looked at each other and nodded before Touko spoke: "Either you give him the job or we will look for a new agency and take our song writer with us. At least we will not sign any sort of new contract until we can keep Shuusei."

"What...?" Shuusei looked at his friends who smiled.

"You're one of us whether on stage or off," Sairi explained. "And we want to keep your influence."

"And yesterday you said you want to continue working with us," Tsukumo added, "So we will continue working together. Either here or somewhere else."

Shuusei gulped. "Guys..." He loved his friends and knew they wouldn't want him to leave them but he didn't expect them to go this far.

Takashiro looked at the band and just saw how serious they were. "You are tough to negotiate with," he admitted. "I need to talk to the HR and then I'll let you know if it's possible. Of course I want to keep you. But I can't promise I can accept your condition."

The band nodded. And they were happy that the boss didn't deny their wish right away.


	20. Chapter 19

I'm sorry I didn't post the chapter yesterday but real life called me and I didn't find the time to finish the chapter. So here you are a day late.

Chapter 19

The audience applauded when the band entered the TV studio. It was now the end of February and they had announced that Shuusei planned to leave the band on facebook in about two months and their homepage two weeks ago. Now one of Japan's most improtant music shows had invited them to a live interview

Of course the reactions to the announcement were mixed, some tried to see Shuusei's reasons others were very disappointed in him.

They were greeted by the hostess of the show and all sat down.

"It's nice to have all of you here." The woman noted and smiled at Shuusei's direction. He just nodded and didn't know what to say. He could not skip this interview because the main topic would be him and his future plans. It was also his wish to explain his reasons.

The first five minutes were just meaningless small talk where Shuusei stayed out of as he always did. His friends were much better at talking about nothing. But then the hostess turned her attention to Shuusei.

"So, Shuusei-kun. Your announcement to leave the band hit your fans like a bombshell. What led to this decision?"

Shuusei shrugged. "There were so many factors but I came to the decision that I can't go on like this the moment I woke up in hospital when I collapsed on stage. It has just become too much for me. I'm sorry for my fans. I really love being on stage but all the things in the background are simply too much for me."

The hostess nodded. "I see, but you're not new in the business yet you waited so long to take the step. Why now?"

Shuusei sighed. He had known they would ask this question but of course he was forbidden to talk badly about Kase.

"Let's just say there were differences between our managent and me which piled up and led to the point I broke down. I've always been overly sensitive and so I think it's the best for my health when I concentrate on other things."

"It wasn't only Shuusei's fault, though", Sairi stated to Shuusei's surprise

He had been told to take all the blame on himself. He didn't like it, because it was Kase who did his job in the way of maximum profit on the cost of their healths, but he couldn't ignore these orders if he wanted to continue working with his friends.

"What do you mean?" the hostess asked.

"Nothing, but the problems were not only caused by Shuusei," Sairi said. "As he had already said, there were many factors. It was not just one side doing the other wrong."

"And you are okay with his decision?" was the next question in direction of the band.

"Yes. Our health is so much more important than our success," said Ria.

"But you collapsed from exhaustion, right? Or are you ill?"

Shuusei tried his best not to sound ennerved. Yes, he was prepared to answer questions to his health but the wording would always make him mad.

"I have problems with anxiety since my childhood," he admitted and took a deep breath. "You know, that's how I started to play the guitar in the first place, it had been part of my therapy at that time. And I still use music to ground myself, when I get the feeling the world's too much for me."

The hostess looked surprised. She hadn't expected such an answer. "I see. Er... But you're over it now?"

Shuusei shook his head. "I think I'll never be 'over it'. It's a part of me and I only can keep it under control. And lately keeping the control has become more and more difficult with all the stress and differences which in the end led to my collapse and it has affected my creative work. So my anxiety was another main reason for quitting the idol life."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear this. May I ask how it affected your work? You just said you use music to ground yourself."

"I... don't know. It is that thing with anxiety. You simply can't do the things you always do, feel insecure about the stuff you usually do well. Is it good enough? Do I need to work on it more? And then it turns out like crap..."

"It's not that bad!" Ria protested.

"But not as good as it should be." Shuusei was just extremely discontent with everything he did. And he was just looking forward to his holiday trip which he needed to plan soon.

Ria didn't reply to this statement. She knew it was not completely wrong.

"So will you stop making music? What are your plans for the future?"

"I'll regularly play with the band until the end of April and then I'll take care of myself and my inner balance and take a break from work for a few months. And after that I will continue working with these guys and help them with composing and song writing."

"You mean you'll do the main job in these areas!" Ria giggled and Shuusei shrugged. That would happen but he was already looking forward to it. He just had to regain his inspiration until then.

"Yeah."

"So you will completely stop standing on the stage?"

"No, but I don't know how it will exactly look like. I can imagine playing in a bar or restaurant from time to time. Somehow it relaxes me when I stand on stage from time to time, so I won't stop, but it will be much smaller than now." That he already had a certain restaurant in mind he didn't tell. His fans would have to find out by themselves where he intended to play in the future.

"And who knows perhaps there will be a surprise from time to time." Sairi winked. Shuusei at least would be open for short guest appearances to special occasions. He just hoped Takashiro and Kase would be okay with it.

"I see. And have you already found a successor?"

"Not yet." Touko answered. "But we have a few candidates who have good chances."

"What was important to you when you were looking for someone?"

"The most important thing is, that the person would match us," Tsukumo explained. "We are more than just collegues, we spend much of our free time together and play music so the new person has to fit in and get along with all of us. And of course the person has to be able to play the guitar on an at least advanced level."

"So we will have to wait. I thought I could pull some information out of you," the hostess sighed.

"Sorry, we can't tell what we don't know." Touko grinned and the topic changed so that Shuusei was content with his listener's role and only answered questions directed at him. It had been stressful to talk about his anxiety, but perhaps he could raise awareness for the topic.

"You did great!" Hotsuma grinned that night when Shuusei returned home.

"I just want to play my guitar and then go to sleep. I feel so exhausted", Shuusei replied and went to his room to get said instrument.

"Did you eat?" Hotsuma asked always worried about his wellbeing.

"Yes we got a nice dinner. Sorry if you prepared something."

"No problem I've just taken some leftovers home. I will put them into your bento tomorrow."

Shuusei smiled and suddenly felt warm around the heart, just because of Hotsuma's care. "Thank you." He wanted to tell him so much how he felt for his friend but it was impossible, yet. Just another two months until he would be free. "Nee, Hotsuma? Have you ever been on a cruise?" he suddenly asked while he was sitting on his couch and thoughtfully pulled the strings of his guitar.

"On a cruise? No, I've only been on a ferry once from Dover to Calais when we moved to France. Why do you ask?"

"I just wondered... I think I want to go on a cruise when I take my holiday and I want to ask you whether you'd like to accompany me?"

Hotsuma looked at him in surprise. "I... don't know? Where do you wanna go?"

"I don't know, yet. I'll get some travel magazines tomorrow. But I thought about something like Australia or New Zealand. It had been quite nice there and I'd like to see more of it. Or do you have other wishes? I'd just like to go somewhere where I know the language."

Hotsuma nodded."I see... I'll think bout it. And I have to get the time off... I don't know if Fujita-san would like me to leave longer than a day or two..."

"We can ask her next week. We want to celebrate our new member then."

"Who will it be? You were not sure yesterday."

"You'll see. It's still top secret."

"So you do already know?" Hotsuma asked. They had said on TV that they didn't. "Please not the guy Ive seen when I last brought you cookies!" Hotsuma begged. "He seemed so loud I guess he and Sairi wouldn't get along."

"No, don't worry; he is out for a while now." Shuusei pulled a face. He didn't like the person as well.

"But it's a guy?"

"Yup. He's a sweet person. As I said, you'll meet him next week. I'll tell you the exact date tomorrow."


	21. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"Have you ever heard them scream this loud?" asked Tsukumo.

"No, but we never had a three hours concert before. And we never had a member leave after that concert." Sairi reminded the other young man.

"And never introduced a new member on said concert," added Touko and smiled at the obviously nervous young man who still seemed a bit lost. "Don't worry, Yuki-chan, they'll love you!"

It would be his first time playing on such a big stage but he loved the music as much as his fellow band members. And it would only be for two or three songs today. This concert would be a huge farewell party for Shuusei. He would get his own real welcome party next time.

"Are you sure? They love Shuusei-kun so much!"

"I am sure. They'll see how much you love the music and that's the most important thing." Shuusei put his hand on Yuki's shoulder.

"Okay guys, then let's go out there and rock the night! Let's make tonight a party they'll never forget!" Ria cheered. Of course they were all sad that it would be the last time they'd play with Shuusei but they swore they'd make this their biggest concert until now. And after a final encouraging cheer the five left the backstage area and entered the stage, leaving Yuki and his strange bodyguard behind to wait for his short guest appearance.

Loud screams filled stadium when the five people entered the stage and claimed their instruments. Above the stage was a large banner which said "10 YEARS SHADOW WARRIORS!" It was still a few months early, but who cared about that? They wanted a giant celebration and they wanted to celebrate in their original formation so the real date was kind of negligible, right?

The first one and a half hours were a Best Of from their actual concert programme of course with emphasis on songs heavy with guitar so that Shuusei had much to play.

Then they took a break of half an hour where they found a well-known box with cookies on the table in the boys' dressing room where they all came together because the room was bigger than the girls' room.

"These were delivered here as a snack for you," Yuki told them and before he even ended the sentence Tsukumo had opened the box and taken a cookie.

"Woah, they look good. Do you know what they're called?" he asked Shuusei while he already took a bite from the jam-filled piece of baked dough

"I don't know. He must have made them this morning after I left. I guess you have to ask him later."

"Who made them?" Yuki asked.

"Hotsuma. He sometimes bakes for us when he's bored," Tsukumo explained. Of course Yuki had already met him the night the band had celebrated their new member at the restaurant.

"Oh I see. Is he here as well tonight so we can thank him for the cookies?" Yuki asked. He was not yet accustomed to the band's habits.

"Of course. He would never miss Shuusei's last concert with us. And he's also responsible for the afterglow buffet."

"Ah, I see. That must also have been stressful for him."

"Yes." Shuusei sighed. Hotsuma had been quite noisy lately. "Half the kitchen is full with his post-its so that he would not forget the tiniest detail. I hope until tomorrow everything is clean again."

"But he didn't make it at home, did he?" Sairi asked and Shuusei shook his head.

"He has a restaurant's kitchen he can use to make food for about 200 people or so, so no.

Luka-san you can also take some cookies." He offered Yuki's quiet friend who was always at his side and never took his eyes off him. He needed to ask soon how they were connected. Shuusei only knew that it was Luka's wish to stay at Yuki's side and he seemed to be very important to Yuki.

"Thank you," the tall man nodded and took one of the cookies.

Not much later the break was over and they started the second part of the concert. The real farewell party.

At first they played one of the first songs they had ever written themselves and somehow they were glad about how much they had improved in all those years. Then Sairi took the microphone.

"God, it's been so very long that we first played this song. It was the graduation party of our third years when we were in our second year of high school. And now we are here seeing one of our own members graduate. Shuusei. Thank you so very much for these ten years on stage with you. I know, you will stay with us and we won't lose you, but it will be a change to have another person standing in your spot in the future! It had been a great time although you like to stay in the background. But you are most certainly a part of us and a great person and a fantastic friend. So really thank you!"

Shuusei smiled touched by his friend's words.

"Thank you, Sairi. I'm just glad that I have met you and you just dragged me along with you, urged me to join you with your silly idea to form a school band and after that to go on and make this all our job. Thank you for your support especially the last three years. And I'm glad that I can go on writing your music and still be with you all." Shuusei replied.

And so it continued They played a song or two and then another band member said a few fond words to thank Shuusei for their time together on stage. And of course Shuusei had to perform more than just one song. And when the four had thanked him Shuusei and they had played two other well-known, much celebrated songs Shuusei took the microphone.

"For the next song I will take a break. Not because I need to but because we want to introduce someone to you. He's a very sweet and very kind guy and very skilled with the guitar: A young man who is very nice to be around and who loves music just as much as we all do. He is just the same kind of crazy as we are and that's why we chose him to stand here in my spot in the future. Be kind to him he doesn't have very much experience on big stages but I'm sure he will do a great job. Do you want to meet him?"

The audience cheered. They had of course already announced they had found someone and raised the expectations on their online media.

"Good then give our new guitarist a very warm welcome. Here is Yuki!"

Yuki entered the stage with his own guitar and Shuusei greeted him very warmly before he temporarily left the stage to let Yuki and the others perform a new song.

Shuusei found Luka leaning on a wall near the stage entrance and decided to stand next to him to wait for his cue to return on stage for the last few songs.

The tall man handed him a fresh bottle of water which Shuusei gladly accepted. The spotlights were hot and this concert was really long and exhausting.

"I'm glad that you chose Yuki to take over." Luka suddenly said. He hadn't spoken much until now. He was just a constant background presence. "He had been sad when he heard that you'd leave the band. He had always looked up to you."

"To us?" Shuusei asked. Of course they had known that their newest member had been a fan for a long time.

"No, to you." Luka said. "I don't know why but he has always liked your way of playing. You inspired him to follow his dream with the guitar."

Shuusei looked at the tall man in surprise. "Really?"

Luka nodded. "So thank you for giving him this chance. I haven't seen him this happy in a while."

Shuusei smiled a bit. He was curious but he didn't ask this man more about Yuki. These were things he had to tell them himself. "Thank you. May... I ask what has brought you two together, that you barely leave his side?" Shuusei asked carefully. "You don't have to answer."

Luka just shrugged. "He had saved my life a long time ago. I swore to be at his side as long as he wants me there. But I have the feeling he is in good hands with you all. So you won't have me around all the time."

"We will take good care of him." Shuusei promised. But then the song ended and he had to go back on stage. The audience cheered. They seemed to accept the new person quite easily.

Then they played another two songs which especially Shuusei loved and then he took the microphone again.

"The next song will be my last one." The audience gave a sad noise as a reply. "And I will perform it alone. I've written it as a big thank you during the last months: A thank you to my dear colleagues for their support during the last ten years, a thank you for their support. Without them I would have quit much earlier and not with this much anticipation for the future. It's also a thank you to all of you who have supported us over all these years, without you we would not have been able to stand on stages this large and for now ten long years and hopefully many more to come! And a small thank you to a childhood friend of mine who still supports me endlessly. Thank you very much everyone! I love you!"

He took his guitar and began to play a song full of melancholy and thankfulness. And he felt the tears burning in his eyes and his voice cracking more often than he liked it. It wasn't easy to leave the stage now matter how much he knew it was the right thing to do. But somehow he knew he'd miss this. And he portrayed all these feelings in his song.

And in the end when he put his guitar aside everything was quiet for many long seconds before the first started to applaud and then everyone screamed and applauded and cheered and cried. He saw that Touko and Ria were openly weeping and Sairi and Tsukumo were close. And he hoped he had touched a certain someone in the audience as well. He could hear how his name is called and they asked for an encore. Shuusei smiled and waved. And then he felt how his friends surrounded him and hugged him tightly. And now all of them cried because now it was really over. But he smiled when he noticed Yuki had come back on stage and he went to him and hug him as well. He was a new member and fully accepted in their group.

Then all six of them stepped to the front of the stage and bowed. The cheering grew even louder.

Then they left the stage but the fans didn't want to stop cheering and were still calling for an encore. The six nodded at each other and re-entered the stage together after a few minutes. Their encore would be a song they had quite quickly been rearranged so it could be played by two guitars instead of just one. This song would show the world the strength of their friendship. And the audience loved it!

Of course the afterglow party went until early in the morning. Shuusei felt terribly exhausted but he stayed until the end. He had to answer so many questions about his future plans, many fans wanted to know if he would still play somewhere for them. To that question he just winked and said that they needed to find out themselves. He would play for audiences from time to time. And many, many fans just wanted to thank him and provide him with their best wishes. Of course it drained his energy very much that he had to talk to so many people but it was their tenth anniversary and his last day as an idol so it was okay for him and he tried his best to stay open even if he had to answer the same question for the twelfth time.

But it wasn't only him but also Yuki who had to answer questions under the eyes of Luka who looked out for the young man.

When everyone started to leave and the buffet was empty Shuusei and the band also prepared to get their things and go home.

"Until when does this place have to be clean?" asked Tsukumo when he looked over the room which was of course a chaos of used dishes and glasses and decoration. Their crew had already started to clean up the hall but they had gone to bed by now and left the rest for tomorrow.

"I guess I'll be here at about eight... I need to be at the restaurant for lunch time after all... And I need to drive at least three times... to get everything back" Hotsuma sighed deeply. Not much sleep for him.

"Let us help," Sairi proposed. "We will all be here at nine and then you tell us what you want to have taken back to the restaurant and then you go there and do your job and we take care that you get your stuff back."

"You don't have to do that!" Hotsuma protested. "You..."

"We help our friends, Hotsu-kun! And you did great with this buffet! It was sooo delicious!" Ria grinned and hugged him which threw him completely out of concept. He liked the band, and he knew they didn't despise him as well but this much affection was a bit much so suddenly.

Shuusei grinned when he saw this.

"Well, I guess they've adopted you, now you have to live with their affection." His words were teasing but he was glad his friends didn't have a problem with Hotsuma, because Shuusei didn't plan to let him walk out of his life so soon.

Hotsuma shoved the young woman away as gently as possible.

"Yeah... thanks... I guess."

"Just don't make Shuu-kun unhappy!" Ria demanded with a wide grin.

"Wha..." Hotsuma's face had instantly turned beet red and he didn't even dare looking at Shuusei who just started to laugh. It was hilarious watching his best friend being so flustered.

"Usui-kun?" Of course the good mood was ruined by Kase who asked for his attention. All the visitors of the concert had left by now. Shuusei turned around.

"Well... I know it hasn't always been easy between us. But I know you did your best and... well... I'm sorry. Perhaps I have demanded too much." The man bowed to Shuusei who raised an eyebrow. "I hope you have more joy in your new job when you don't have me around so much anymore."

"Eh... well..." Shuusei was glad that at least now Kase asked for forgiveness. "I..." He didn't know what to say. The damage was done and Shuusei could not brush it away so easily but he didn't want it to become a big deal.

"What the... Are you serious?" Hotsuma had of course watched that scene and was now next to Shuusei and looked furious. "First you harass him to the point he collapses and feels forced to quit the job he loved so very much and then you ask for forgiveness on his very last day like it's no big deal? How stupid are you?"

"Hotsuma!" Shuusei took his friend's arm. He didn't want all this to become a real dispute.

"What? A simple sorry is not enough for what he did to you! If he really regretted anything he would have adapted to you and looked out for you so that you could get the best out of your work and not damage you to the point you struggle even with the things that used to come to you so naturally!" No, Hotsuma could not forgive Kase. And he was no part of the band so he was free to speak his mind. And then he turned again to Kase: "I really hope I won't hear any more complaints about you in the future and you let Shuusei do his work in the surroundings he wants to!"

"Hotsuma! Stop it!" Shuusei demanded sternly. "I don't want my final day to end in a fight. Kase-san, it's okay. I can't say I've already forgiven you but I don't want it to be a shadow on the future. As long as you manage the band, we will have to deal with each other and I want a peaceful co-existence. I hope this is possible."

The manager nodded. "I guess that's all I can expect." He held his hand out to Shuusei who took it after a short hesitation. But after that Shuusei turned around and pulled Hotsuma with him. Everything was said. So Kase wished everyone a good night and left the building to go home.

"Sorry..." Shuusei said when they were alone again, especially to Yuki who of course didn't know how bad it really was between Shuusei and Kase.

"It's okay. I... didn't know it was this bad." Yuki said sadly

"I just hope he doesn't harass you out as well..." Hotsuma growled and felt Shuusei's finger pressing into the flesh of his arm and he kept his mouth shut.

And then Shuusei let go of Hotsuma's arm although he liked the contact. But it was still too early.

"But... it's not fair!" Hotsuma protested. "He..."

"He's an asshole. We know. And I'm not completely done with him as well." Sairi said coolly. "But for today it's enough. You two have your holiday ahead and can be happy now. We can't take a rest because Yuki has to learn our songs!" The tall man slapped Yuki's back in a friendly manner. "So go and take our envy with you!"

"First we have to clean this mess up." Ria stated and yawned widely. "But not today. I'll go home."

The others nodded and left as well. Hotsuma had borrowed Fujita san's van to get all the stuff for the buffet here so he would take Shuusei home. The rest had to call a taxi.

"Nee, Touko-san?" Yuki asked while they were waiting.

"Don't address me so formally!" Touko demanded not for the first time. "What do you want to know, Yuki-chan?"

"Shuusei-kun and Hotsuma-kun are they... together?"

"If they aren't when they return from their cruise I'll force them to. I can't look at them pining after each other any longer!"

Everyone grinned and looked forward to their future as a big family of five musicians, their song writer and their personal chef and cookie deliverer.

So, the only thing missing now is the epilogue. It was quite a callenge. I've never written this much in such a short time.


	22. Epilogue

Epilogue

Hotsuma stared at the ship in front of him: A large white cruise liner. "Are you sure that's the right ship?" he asked.

"Yup. That's the ship I've booked for us which would carry us to a few cities in Australia and then New Zealand," Shuusei replied with a smile. They had taken a flight to Perth where they would go on board and then spend the next two and a half weeks on this ship. "But we will need English on board. It's not a Japanese ship."

Hotsuma just shrugged. He knew English well enough.

"Do I want to know how expensive it was?" He asked clearly impressed.

"Nope. I won't tell you anyway. I've invited you to this trip, remember? Come on let's go."

They went on board and soon got their keys. Their luggage was still on its way from the airport and would be delivered directly to their room.

When they had found the correct room Shuusei took the key and opened it. "I hope you like it?" he asked and looked around. It was a suite with a balcony and very comfortable. Shuusei was content. It had been expensive, yes, but he didn't mind. He wanted to have a great trip with Hotsuma and didn't want to have a look at finances for now. He knew he had enough.

"I... guess I'll sleep on the couch." Hotsuma announced when he saw the queen-size bed and suddenly seemed very insecure. Shuusei tried not to smile too much when he turned around.

"Why? I don't mind you sleeping next to me. There is no need for you to get the uncomfortable sofa," he said as innocently as possible and saw how Hotsuma's cheeks turned slightly pink.

"No, Shuusei... I... I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable... I'm gay, as you know very well..."

"And? You know I don't care." Shuusei slowly walked towards Hotsuma who tried to keep his distance. Somehow it was fun to tease his friend like this, although he knew it was not very nice of him. "I know you wouldn't do anything I don't want, so what's your problem, my dearest Hotsuma."

"My... god... Shuusei... I'm damn serious... I'll take the couch." Hotsuma had reached said piece of furniture and fell onto it.

Shuusei shook his head. "It's unnecessary", he said and sat down next to Hotsuma very close to him.

"It is! God... Shuusei, stop this!" Hotsuma sounded like he was close to a panic attack and Shuusei was close to give up. He didn't want to torture his friend too much no matter how cute he thought his reaction was. But he really didn't seem to have a clue about the real reason Shuusei wanted him close. Shuusei smiled gently and took Hotsuma's hand but he pulled it away.

"Shuusei... really... stop torturing me! Damn, I love you! But I don't want to make things awkward! So please, let me sleep on this damn couch so I can sleep without having to fear that I can't keep my hands to myself during the night!"

Shuusei looked at his completely flustered friend and shook his head again. "Declined." He said and pulled Hotsuma into his arms. "I'm sorry... But your reaction is just too cute. What If I don't want you to keep your hands to yourself?" he asked.

Hotsuma instantly stopped his struggles. "What?" he asked completely confused.

"I love you, too. I thought you had noticed by now."

"What?" Hotsuma repeated. "You..."

"I love you. And I want to be with you. Now that I am free from any contracts I can safely tell you."

Hotsuma got a small distance between them to look into Shuusei's eyes. "Are... you serious? If you're just teasing me stop it! I thought you didn't even like guys!"

Shuusei chuckled again. Then he lifted a hand to gently caress his friend's cheek. "I am serious. I would never play with your heart in that way. You are too important for me," he said and leaned his forehead against Hotsuma's. "I love you."

Then he turned his head a bit so that he could gently place his lips on Hotsuma's. At first he could still sense his confusion, but then Hotsuma seemed to notice it was not a dream. He got his body to move again and embraced Shuusei and returned the kiss; still softly, testing but it was such a good feeling to be able to do this after this long time of just having to be content with watching Shuusei.

And now they couldn't stop kissing each other, slowly, searching for the other's lips again and again. They were only disturbed by a knock on the door. Shuusei sighed. "Must be the luggage..." he said and got up, but Hotsuma didn't accept it and pulled Shuusei down again before he got up.

"You rest. I take care of everything else." Hotsuma went to the door to get their suitcases and gave the man who delivered them a tip for his work.

Then he brought their things inside and started to unpack his suitcase and Shuusei came to pick up his guitar. No, he couldn't leave his beloved instrument at home for more than two weeks. He had already asked if it would be okay for him to play on deck a few times if he liked to without getting legal problems because he wasn't part of the entertainment programme of the journey. Then he went back to Hotsuma to take care of his own suitcase but Hotsuma protested.

"Shuusei! I said I take care of everything... Or... do you have... things in your suitcase I'm not supposed to see?" Hotsuma asked with again red cheeks.

Shuusei chuckled. "No, Nothing but clothes you know well enough from the laundry days."

Hotsuma was so incredibly cute. Shuusei took his guitar and started to play, while he was watching his frie... boyfriend while he unpacked their things. Somehow it didn't feel very different from before, but well, they had been very close for a long time now. Tsukumo had once said when he saw them together he had the feeling of watching an old couple. Shuusei smiled. Perhaps he had been right. The more he had been surprised that Hotsuma had not even noticed that he also had feelings for him.

"It's not that interesting to watch someone unpacking your underwear." Hotsuma protested at a point where he was indeed putting Shuusei's underwear into the wardrobe.

Shuusei replied while still pulling the strings of his guitar: "I find it very interesting to watch a very handsome person unpacking my things."

"Shuusei!"

Shuusei chuckled. "The ship is going to cast off soon. I want to see it. Do you want to come with me?" he changed the topic. When he looked out of their window he could only see the far side of the harbour.

Hotsuma nodded and got up, closed Shuusei's suitcase to put it to his own under the alrge bed.

Shuusei placed his guitar back into its case and got up. But he didn't get far because Hotsuma stood in his way.

"I am not dreaming am I?" he asked insecurely and held out a hand for Shuusei who instantly took it.

"No. You're not." He stepped up close to Hotsuma and kissed him again to prove him that this was indeed real.

It was only after another few minutes that they found it inside themselves to let go of the other and leave their room.

After the ship had left the harbour they decided to take a walk around the ship. There was almost everything. Four swimming pools: two inside, two outside, a tennis court on deck, bars, restaurants, stages, which Shuusei would definitely only see as a spectator and not stand upon.

There were souvenir shops, a pharmacy, and a few boutiques; in fact you could buy almost anything here. They both were impressed. And when they had seen everything it was almost time for dinner in the large dining room.

"Let's just hope we don't have any fans sitting with us..." Shuusei sighed when they were on their way.

"Hey, this is an Australian ship, so there should not be too many people here who know you." Hotsuma assured him and he was right. They got a place with an elderly couple from Perth who loved to travel and who seemed to be nice so Shuusei was quickly calm again. They were nice people and it was not hard to talk to them although at first it was mainly Hotsuma who did the talking. But Shuusei soon felt more comfortable especially after the woman asked them if they were together and seemed so happy for them when they nodded and admitted it was still very fresh between them.

"Do you want to do something else tonight? A stage performance? A concert?" Shuusei asked after dinner but Hotsuma shook his head.

"Perhaps tomorrow. Today I want to have you for myself," he admitted a bit coyly. "If it's okay for you. If you want to do anything I'll come with you."

Shuusei smiled. "I asked you. Everything's fine for me." So they returned to their room where Hotsuma switched on the TV and both of them got ready for bed. It wasn't very late, yet, but they had had to leave early this morning to the airport so at least Shuusei was very tired.

"Please don't say you still want to sleep on the couch!" Shuusei asked when Hotsuma came back from the bathroom.

"Don't worry. If I can have you in my arms I will use that!" Hotsuma grinned and claimed one side of the bed and Shuusei got the other And soon Shuusei felt how Hotsuma came close to him to embrace him. Shuusei smiled and closed his eyes.

"Hotsuma... I already want to say I'm sorry if I'm moody over the next time. It has nothing to do with you." Shuusei began a bit insecurely while his fingers brushed through Hotsuma's hair.

"Why? Is something wrong?" Hotsuma asked worriedly.

"No. It's just... I've purposely left my pills at home. I want to return to a normal life and function without any medical help to fall asleep and get over the day... So it's highly possible I may have problems falling asleep and be moody because of the caffeine withdrawal. And I want to apology in advance if I'm getting obnoxious..." Shuusei explained and felt how Hotsuma tried to pull him even closer.

"It's okay. I'm glad you try to get rid of the stuff," he said and kissed Shuusei, this time more passionately. "And I'm here for you whenever you need it!" He added and kissed Shuusei again and now deepening the kiss.

"Shuusei?" He asked after he brought a small distance between them again.

"Hn?"

"If... just hypothetically... If I said I wanted to do... more with you... how would you react?"

Shuusei smiled. It was just too sweet how careful Hotsuma was with him.

"I would ask you to wait a bit. Just a bit. Today I just want to be in your arms and enjoy you being close to me."

Hotsuma nodded and kissed Shuusei's cheek. "I... I just want to know... you know... we've never talked about you... I didn't even know that you like men..."

"I like people. I don't fall in love with a man or a woman but a person. And I don't mind getting intimate with that person." Shuusei said and gently kissed his boyfriend's lips. "But not right now."

Hotsuma nodded. "That's okay for me. It would even be okay for me if you wouldn't want it at all. I just want to be with you. You're my most important person!"

Shuusei smiled. "I love you, too."

"Since when?" Hotsuma asked.

"What?"

"Since when do you... love me?"

Shuusei shrugged. "I don't know. I really can't tell... But it's long. Perhaps even the moment in Germany a certain Kenshin held me back to tell me he still remembered me... And I was constantly afraid you might start to look for someone else and I don't have a chance anymore when I finally got free of that damn contract."

"I thought about it... but no one is as perfect for me as you are. I only want to be with you!" Hotsuma murmured and pressed a kiss on Shuusei's earlobe.

"Then stay with me."

"I will. As long as you want me to be with you."

"Then you will never go anywhere else."

"That's fine for me." Hotsuma yawned and soon had found a comfortable position and fell asleep. Shuusei smiled and gently brushed his fingers through Hotsuma's golden locks until he as well fell asleep.

THE END

Thank you so much for reading this work!


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